I am sharing some of our emails again just to explain the background and also to explain the things she references in her testimony. I will share that tomorrow (FINALLY) because I didn’t want the post to be overly long.
I think what has really stood out for me is how God can just put people in each other’s lives for various reasons. I connect with a lot of people on a daily basis but Hadassah was always on my mind. The Holy Spirit always made me check in with her and just pray for her. That is also why I invited Hadassah to the retreat I went for because she weighed heavily on my mind the entire time. I am not saying we all have to go for retreats like these to deal with our situations as I believe the most important thing in dealing with any issue is through a personal relationship with God, our Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. However, once in a while, God might need to take you out of an environment and put people in your path through whom he teaches you something. It is important that you are already speaking to God about the situation anyway and then he can provide the best solution. I told hadassah about the retreat I went for in October 2015 but what was interesting was that she never went when I told her to and that was fine because I figured she didn’t have an urge to go and knowing God, I knew he could still fix the situation retreat or not. What was amazing was getting an email from her in February telling me about how bad her marriage had gotten and her intention to go for the retreat because another friend told her about it. By the way with God, there are no coincidences.
I am not an advocate of following “men of God” up and down, asking them to tell you what God is saying to you as I believe we all can hear from God personally as we grow in relationship and seek to know him. I am an advocate for LEARNING though, I believe that as we build our relationship with God personally, we can learn from other people and then apply it in order to keep growing. If you keep chasing after men of God without trying to build your own personal relationship with God, then you’ll most likely end up disappointed. So please do not go for this retreat if you do not have a real desire to learn and grow and you just want a quick fix because it won’t work.
Hadassah went for this retreat and she recently emailed me about her experience. And it made me cry. lol. I can’t wait to share it TOMORROW!!!!
From Tito on the 29th of July 2015
You’ve been on my mind. Just wanted to check in. Hope I didn’t over do it with my last email.
I just wanted to say HI.
From Hadassah on the 1st of August 2015.
OMG Hiiiiiiiii!!!!!!! do you know i am just seeing your messages. I never really expected a reply i just assumed my email will be flooded with other messages and get lost in transit, I was just going through my mails now and saw your name and I’m like huh omg! loool….Thank you sooo much for taking time out to even read let alone reply me. I think I’m reading your message at the best time. It’s the first one that has actually made sense and seems do-able and relatable and I’m not just saying this because its you. When i speak to people and their advise is just be patient and pray i just really get discouraged because I look around me and I am surrounded by women that were patient and prayed and when i speak to them its like they all say ‘ah if i had known that this is how i will still end up, I would have left along time ago but now its too late where do i start from?’ so i think to myself that is that going to be me in a few years too after being patient?
For the past few weeks on my way to work there has been this urge to just turn the radio off and just talk to God like he is right next to me. Its funny how it all started with me having absolutely no fuel in my car and I’m like “ok God how far how are we really doing this? I need to get to work” and some sort of peace came to my mind that just start driving and I will get you there and so I did and I watched my fuel tank indicator line rise from past empty to just above empty and I’m like what is this and on that same journey I just kept talking and talking and I basically got a message that you cannot put a square box in a circle hole and at that point I was talking about my marriage and my happiness and just laying it out there for God like is this your plan for me? Is it that you don’t want me to be happy? and I got that analogy in my head. My brother’s words came back to me that “Hadassah you cannot expect Michael to fill a void in you that is not his to fill, you are looking at Michael to give you happiness when you should be seeking God to give you everlasting Joy and Peace” and I tell you Bolatito I’ve not felt better in years. It’s like even using my empty tank to start relating with God is Gods way of telling me I need to be at my wit’s end for him to show me who is God. I keep talking to HIM that please just make me a better version of myself because you are right I think I need to start with me before every other thing falls into place.
You have no idea how much your email has just shown me the next step to take in my process of rediscovering myself which is to forgive. I always say i have nothing against my husband or nothing against anybody so I don’t need to forgive anyone but I’m just realising its even deeper that this, this goes even wayyyy back to my family and my childhood and even myself. I really wish we could sit down one day and just talk but I know you must be busy and my own work schedule too is crazy but hopefully one day.
Enough about me. How are you? I know things can’t be easy all the time but please if you ever need anything and I mean anything don’t hesitate to reach out i will be more that happy to lend a hand because even in a simple reply you have changed me and helped me in ways you cannot imagine and I just want to thank you.
From Tito on the 5th of October 2015
You have been on my mind!!! I was like, I have to reach out to you today!!! How are you? Just checking in.
I went for some spiritual retreat thing called “Sorting Out” and it was incredible. It made me think about you and your last email and I realised I should tell you about it. It helps us understand a lot more about who we are and why we do the things we do and what impact our families and ancestral lineage have on us now as adults. It was intense, 3 days of fasting, teaching and praying but I loved every second of it. Truth is that I still have emotional issues I needed to deal with and it really helped me. You were one of the first people it occurred to me to tell about it. I am determined to tell those who I care about. I kept thinking I should have done it before marriage and I have told all my friends and family in relationships and those single to do it. lol. You’ll think they are paying me but it just blessed me so much,
The website is www.lffsortingout.org so you can check it out for more details. The program is hosted by Pastor Joe Olaiya who is just an incredible teacher. He teaches bible as if you have never read it before. lol. I hope you can go and preferably with your husband. Bez and I went together and it was just phenomenal. lol. I keep saying that.
From Hadassah on the 4th of February 2016.
So guess what? its really funny how God works sometimes. So I got a call a couple of weeks ago from a guy saying he got my number from my friend Mary and he is part of one program called sorting out and I’m like errr ok how can I help you and he goes on to tell me what they do and how I should try and come and I’m like ok not really interested in the conversation because I’m there thinking why didn’t mary tell me she gave someone my number.lol. So I met with her last week and she started telling me the testimonies and begged me to consider coming so I’m like ok whats the harm but still convinced myself I wasn’t going to go. For some reason the thought of ‘what if this is just what I need to turn my life around’ kept bugging me so I went to their website and filled the Lonnggggggggg Form and even though I kept wanting to just close it and carry on with work I somehow finished it and found myself paying for the program I was like damn did I just do that? loool….
The past couple of months have been sooo hard in terms of marriage and I honestly think the last time my husband and I spoke was the first week in January after we had a petty fight (his fault by the way). Since then he hasn’t spoken to me and honestly I could care less. So emotionally I am drained because I cannot stand one more day in that house with him. I went and rented my own apartment and furnishing it ATM waiting till I leave after his sister’s wedding with every conviction in my heart that this is the right move for me. Anyways this program couldn’t have come at a better time.
So this morning at work I was looking for their details in my email and put their name in the search box and your email came up and I’m like nooo way don’t tell me this is what Bolatito was telling me about in her email so yea here I am emailing you to thank you for this because for some reason seeing your email has given me this extra conviction that I needed to fully commit to this!!! Its been a long time coming but I guess God has seized me now to attend this program. Let’s just hope I can let go of all this anger that keeps threatening to eat me up.lol……
I’ll definitely email you after to let you know how it goes.
Thanks again and I hope you are doing well!!
From Tito on the 4th of February 2016
Hadassah!!! I don’t even know what to say. You’ve been on my mind ehn but I don’t know why I didn’t holla. I even saw breezy the other day and asked about you and she said you were fine and I just accepted it. I am so so so glad you are going for sorting out. Be expectant and you will learn so much.
One thing I’ll say is that even after sorting out, you have to continue to do your part so you don’t lose what you learn. Do the recovery prayers, spend time quietly with God and just put in the effort. Many people’s experience with sorting out is often short lived because they don’t continue to build their personal relationship with God and that’s the real key. BUT, you will have an INCREDIBLE time, just get ready. And God will speak to you, as they teach and as you pray you’ll know which area of your life God wants to deal with and could be hindering you. It’s pretty amazing. I can’t wait to hear all about your experience. I love how God works!!! Sooooo EXCITED!!!