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A Story of Grace

There is a point you will get to in your life where your personal feelings become a non factor. A point where you just completely follow as God leads despite how ‘difficult’ it is. I believe I am at that point. I choose to obey God because I know he loves me and he won’t let me be put to shame so I just DO as he says.

In May 2017, I had a strong urge to do a talk show. I noticed that people seem to think this whole concept of a very real God was an illusion and even though many were Christians, they didn’t REALLY have much of a relationship with GOD. I decided to speak to some of my friends and talk about their own personal experiences that solidified their faith and believe in God. As we planned and talked about it, my producer came up with the title: ‘MY JESUS EXPERIENCE” and it was the perfect Title. I wanted people to share their own individual Jesus Experiences to show those with questions that we all have very different relationships with Christ and the goal is for every individual to build their own personal RELATIONSHIP.

 

It was so awesome speaking to over 10 people with very unique stories and experiences and I was not planning to share my own experience. From day 1, God started to tell me that I should shoot my own episode. At this point, he had been speaking to me about writing a book as well. So after hours and hours of speaking to people and being really inspired but completely EXHAUSTED, my awesome producers started to ask if I was going to obey God and share my own story. At this point the make up artist was gone and I was soooo TIRED but you know how God works, if he wants you to do something, he’ll give you inner strength and he gave me that. I also didn’t have a plan on what I was going to say as I sat down but the Holy Spirit completely took over. In fact after filming I could barely remember ANYTHING.

 

A few weeks later, my producer decided to show me the rough edits of what we shot and he showed me mine and I cried. I cried because it was so clear that it was not really me speaking. I didn’t even remember saying any of the things I said. I also didn’t realise how perfectly this episode would play a big part of the message of my book. I didn’t know that I would even release the book before we premiered the talk show. In fact I had been so frustrated after filming as I was getting outrageous bills to edit the show and put it out. I didn’t realise that God had the perfect plan.

The truth is that God told me to write the book before shooting the talk show but I wanted to ignore the book. I had even shared the assignment of the book with my friend and when I told her I recorded an episode with my story, she said “but if God told you to write a book, then you should”. I thought I could control how everything was going to play out but God told me to write the book first and clearly he had a reason for it. So when I finished writing the book and watched this again, I saw how everything really works together for our good.

I have been planning to share “My Jesus Experience” for a long time but I was always hesitant for many reasons. I honestly didn’t want to share this part of my story but I am also learning that in this world I have the status of a King but I remain a servant to Christ. I got carried away with ‘self’ instead of just being obedient. The more I watch, the more I see God’s heart and its one of GRACE. Grace is unmerited favour and it comes from our Father because he loves us so much. I am learning all about God’s love all over again and so much has happened since this video was shot.

I am honestly grateful for the privilege God has given me to turn my ‘mess’ into a message. I pray for you, whoever you are, wherever you are and no matter what you are going though. I pray that you’ll truly accept and believe that God loves you with an unconditional love and it was that LOVE that led to your creation. He doesn’t want you to die silently under the burden of guilt, shame and condemnation. He wants you to thrive and be all that he has called you to be. HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH.

Please watch this. Please share this with anyone you believe this message can bless.

It Makes No Sense

I grew up in a Muslim family. My Dad is muslim. Before that I actually grew up with my mum who goes to a white garment church (yeah, I had an interesting childhood). Anyway, I never really knew much about JESUS. I didn’t know much about God loving me so much that he became man and died on the cross to save me. It really made no sense to me. How is Jesus also God? What is this whole thing about the blood of Jesus? And him taking stripes to heal me? He died then rose again and because of that sin has no hold over me? It was all very confusing and MADE NO IOTA OF SENSE.

Then one day, in a moment of vulnerability and desperation, I started reading a bible that my born again sister had bought me. As I read it, I had an overwhelming sense of peace. It was as if Jesus Christ himself was speaking to me. This happened just after I had been duped and the thieves had convinced me to give them all my step mum’s jewellery (story for another day). I was so lost, scared and confused. The world was a very dark place. I did not know what to do. All I remember is someone asking me to read the psalms and as I read it, the peace of God took over. From reading the psalms, I started to read the New Testament. One verse stuck with me: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28).

It almost felt like Jesus was right there with me, he knew my situation, he knew my helplessness, he knew how broken I was and he was saying to me “give me the problems, I will give you rest”. That was the moment I made a choice, to believe Jesus. I may not understand why anyone would die for me and choose to take my burdens but I chose to take that free gift and I did have rest. Nothing seemed like such a burden anymore, I didn’t feel like such a loser anymore, I wasn’t scared of the consequences anymore because I had laid them all down at the feet of the one who offered rest.

Till today, I can’t tell you how the issue was resolved, I don’t know how my Dad never punished me for being so careless and naïve but it almost felt like there was a shield around me and all that I feared disappeared. I realised that even though It didn’t make sense, the love of God is very real. The real tragedy is rejecting that love simply because it doesn’t make sense.

I don’t know what you are going through today, I don’t know your battle, your fears, your worries, your doubts, your pain, your hopelessness, your disappointments or discouragement but I know the one who can give your REST. His name is Jesus. Cast your burdens on him and he’ll give you his rest.

Have a great week.

I wrote a Book

I wrote a book.

I didn’t want to write this book. I ran from it for as long as I could. I was petrified of sharing the most shameful details of my life with the world. I didn’t want to be called a hypocrite. Acting all Holy when I have done some really shameful things. It is hard to connect the Bolatito who is always talking about God with the one who had two abortions when she was 19 and 20. I definitely didn’t want anyone to know THAT.

I didn’t want anyone to know about the sexual abuse and molestation I experienced as a young girl because they just make me feel so exposed and still ashamed. I didn’t want people to know about my insecurities and my desperation to just be loved and accepted. I spent so long trying to figure out who I was and for years I saw myself as worthless, damaged, broken, ugly, valueless. I was my biggest critic and I was my biggest Judge.

But God is just amazing. Everything I didn’t want to share is what he has healed me from. And as he healed me, he wants to heal others through my story. He wants everyone to know that he is the one who restores completely. The one who can use our biggest mess and turn it into a beautiful message. He wants to set so many people free from the bondage of guilt, shame, bitterness, anger, condemnation and every other negative emotion that has held you bound.

God has shown me that when he loves, he loves completely with an everlasting love and all that I am is in him. He has had to repair all that was broken in me and he has taken away every bit of shame, guilt, brokenness and condemnation. More than anything he has shown me who I am and who he created me to be. In his own image, I am the daughter of a King, I am a QUEEN, I am ROYALTY.

I share my journey of finding self worth, true love and freedom in this book. ROYALTY.

3 Little Piggys

I was watching Dora the explorer with Joshua the other day and I probably was more interested in the story than he was. As I watched, completely engrossed in the animation, something caught my attention. It was the story of the 3 little piggies that built their various homes with straw, sticks and stones. A particularly mean wolf kept attacking their homes.

One pig built his home with straws, and one day, the wolf breathed strongly on it, wind came out the house came crashing down. Another piggy built his house with sticks, and once again the wolf came along, breath even STRONGER and the house came crashing down. Then there was the 3rd piggy who built his home with rocks and stones. The wolf came, took deep heavy breaths, blew and blew and blew, huffing and puffing but the house remained standing. After several attempts, the wolf gave up and walked away.

It got me thinking about us. What is our foundation? It reminded me of these words:

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” Matthew 7:24-27

I started to think about who we are in Christ and how strong our foundations are. Are we like the piggy who built his house with weak straws and at the sight of the slightest challenge, the house came tumbling down. It couldn’t stand the attack. That is the reality for many of us, we think our foundation is strong but it is when we face real issues and we aren’t able to stand that we go back to God. It is time to check our foundation, spend time with God, with his word, with prayer so that when the enemy comes with his lies, doing what he does, trying to steal, kill and destroy, we can boldly stand upon the solid rock that is Christ. We will not be moved, we will not be shaken just like the little piggy who built his house with rocks.

 

Pregnancy and Baby Declarations

 

When I was pregnant with my son, I learnt a lot about my confessions and declarations. It was through this I overcame fear. It was natural for fear to try to creep in. I lost my daughter a day after she was born and then had a miscarriage. I worried that something was going to be wrong with my son like there was with my daughter and after the miscarriage I wondered if something was wrong with me.  The great thing for me was that I spent a lot of time in fellowship with God and I meditated on the word of God, I received verses that addressed my fears and concerns. At some point it stopped being about my fears during pregnancy and my confessions became more for my child because I knew he was going to be born perfectly. There are so many scriptures and I just thought I should share with you.

I also started with declaring for “babies” until I realised it was only 1 baby and it was a boy so you will notice the changed in tenses. I also spoke more about the actual child not the pregnancy because for me the goal was to have the child so a good pregnancy was given.

Some scriptures were very important when I was aiming to forget my past losses. Isaiah 42-45 were very powerful for me. In all of this, I found my own confessions instead of just repeating what others wrote. I encourage everyone to look at any promises concerning children, pregnancy and what you want and turn it into your confession. I am sure you will find many other verses that I missed.

 

–       Isaiah 65:20: My Babies will not die when they are only a few days old. Even when they become adults, they will live a full like and won’t be considered old at 100. Exodus 23:25-26

 

–       Isaiah 65:23- I will not work in vain and my children will not be doomed to misfortune because my husband and I are people blessed by the Lord so my children too will be blessed

 

–       Isaiah 43:1 (NLT) – My children are formed by the Lord so they are perfectly formed because God’s workmanship is marvellous. Father you make sure that everything you created was good (Gen 1) so I know that as you have formed my children, everything about them is good.

 

–       Isaiah 65:22- Unlike the past, invaders will not take what is mine and confiscate it so my children will live as long as trees

 

–       Isaiah 43:5- I will not be afraid for the Lord is with me and he will gather my children together. He has made my children for his glory and I don’t have to worry because God created them so I know they are perfect

 

–       Isaiah 43:13: My Children are God’s creation, no one can snatch them out of God’s hands and no one can undo what God has done

 

–       Isaiah 54: 13: God will teach all my children they will enjoy great peace

 

–       Exodus 23:25-26: God has blessed my food and water. He has removed sickness and disease from me and my children. So there won’t be miscarriage with my pregnancy and my children will live full and complete lives.

 

–       Isaiah 66:7- Before my birth pains even begin. I will give birth to my children. By the time my birth pains begin, my children will be born. God will bring my children to the point of birth and deliver them

 

–       Isaiah 66:11- My children will drink milk from my breasts. God will give me a river of peace and prosperity and the wealth of nations will flow to me. My children will be nursed at my breasts, carried in my arms and bounced on my knees. God will comfort me as I become a mother who comforts her children

 

–       Numbers 24:7- My offspring will have all that they need because the Lord has chosen to bless me.

–       Psalms 51:6- Father, Thank you for this pregnancy. I declare that my children are taught wisdom even from my womb so they can live honest lives that please you

 

–       Psalm 71:6: Thank you for these children Father. Thank you for the peace of this pregnancy. Thank you Father for caring for my children from my womb. I am at peace knowing they have the best care

 

–       Psalm 128: I am a fruitful grapevine flourishing within my home and my children will be like vigorous young olive trees as they sit around our table

 

–       Psalm 127: Thank you Lord for blessing us with these children. They are our heritage from you Lord. This fruit of the womb is a reward and we know the gifts from you math rich and add no sorrow. I decree that these children will be like arrows in the hands of their father and they will bring joy to us and no shame and we will face our enemies at the gate

 

–       Deuteronomy 7: 12-15: The Lord has blessed the fruit of my womb as I continue to live in trust and obedience to all the Lord’s commands not by my power but by the power of God who lives in me (2 Peter)

 

–       Malachi 3:10-11; A s we continue to remain faithful with our tithes, we have a covenant with our heavenly Father and he will rebuke the devourer for our sakes. The devourer will not destroy the fruit of our ground nor shall the vine fail to bear fruit for us in the field including our children. I will always be a fruitful vine

 

–       Job 5:26: Us and our descendants shall come to the grave at a full age as a sheaf of grain ripens in its reason

 

–       Isaiah 45:11-12: You are the Holy Creator, you created the earth and all those who live in it. Therefore I can rest in the peace that the children in my womb are yours as well and because I know your creation is perfect I won’t have to worry about these children

 

–       Isaiah 43:3-4: You gave others for me Lord so I know you have perfected all that concerns my children and I because we are precious in your sight and you love us

 

–       Psalm 139: Father, you created this child, you knit him together in my womb. And because your works re wonderful, we know that everything about Joshua is perfect. You have his life written in your book and because we know your plans concerning us are always good, may he walk in the purpose you created him for. He would serve you even from childhood and every promise you speak regarding him will come to pass. He would be bold and trust in you always. He will always enjoy your generosity and through him our home will be blessed. You will be his salvation Lord and he will live the life you planned for him.

 

–       Luke 2:40: I decree that he would become strong in spirit, filled with wisdom and the Grace of the Lord will be upon him.

 

–       Psalm 37:25-26: I know you will not abandon us Oh Lord and my children are a blessing.

 

–       Father I thank you because I know you are a doing a new thing. I choose to forget the former things because I trust you Lord that affliction will not arise in my life again.

 

–       Isaiah 49:25: Thank you Father for fighting those who fight me and saving my children

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