Category Archives: Tito’s Thoughts

I am ROYALTY

I struggled a lot with who I was. I was always trying to find myself. Always trying to figure out where I fit in and where I belonged. My life had been subject to people telling me who I was or was not. I was trying to just be accepted and loved by others.

I never saw myself through the eyes of God. I didn’t know that the only one I needed to belong to was God. I didn’t know that all the validation I sought from people could be found in Jesus.

I always wonder if knowing the truth earlier could have saved me from some very difficult experiences. If I truly knew my worth, could certain mistakes have been avoided? I have spent and wasted a lot of time in the chair of regret. I have sat down and looked back at my life and tried so many times to erase my past. I have taken better decisions in hindsight. I lived in the past for so long and it almost completely choked my future. My future was not so bright as I based it on my past. My past directed everything.

My relationship with God took the worst hit. I was always sure that he disapproved of the person I was. I realised that it also meant that my prayer life was greatly affected because I was always “wondering”. I wondered if I had the right to ask for certain things in prayer. I wondered if I could be sad if God didn’t answer my prayers. I wondered if God even heard me at all. I wondered if God found me worthy to be used for his purpose.

I was so sure that I was not the type of person God would want to use for ANYTHING. I was even accepting this fact and I was just content to know I was not going to go to hell. I dared not expect God to find me useful for his purpose. There are so many people that are better than I am, who didn’t make the mistakes that I did, who fast and pray more than me, they spend way more time “serving” God than me, so who was I to think God could think of me as more than I thought of myself. A broken girl, with so much baggage who was just fortunate to enjoy the grace of God that Christ paid for. For a very long time, that was enough for me. I dared not ask for more.

Then God started to speak to me. He started to tell me the great heights he wanted to take me to. When I refused to hear him because it was too good to be true, he started to send people to me to tell me the same things and once again I never let my heart be open to accepting this gift of a second chance. This gift to me was so much more than I had accepted about myself. I started to believe it was all a figment of my imagination. I started to think the people who brought this good news were just trying to make me feel good about myself. Then one day God caught my attention.

He started to tell me that I was looking at him with “small eye”. I was limiting his power in my life. I didn’t realise his power and ability to use the messiest and most broken human to create a beautiful message. I didn’t realise that the blood of Jesus meant that every mess that I thought I was had been completely washed clean. The mess that I thought I was no longer existed and through that mess he wanted to share his light. He reminded me of his word that says: “God is able to make all things work together for good” and that included the mess that my life had been. I wasn’t seeing God but I was seeing me. I also had forgotten that he created me in his image so that my so – called “ugliness” he saw as perfect and beautiful. He was not judging me as I thought I deserved because in his eyes, the blood of Jesus had made me faultless and blameless. Not because of anything I had done but because his righteousness was a complete gift. Nothing I did or will ever do could have made me deserving of his Grace.

The more he spoke to me the more I understood that I will never be able to give back to God all that he has given to me. I had wrongly assumed that somehow my works could make me worthy of his love and the life he blessed me with. Every time I did the wrong thing I immediately fell under the burden of guilt, condemnation and shame. I thought that my “works” could somehow erase my past. I was always trying to prove to God that I deserved his blessings because I thought that was what could guarantee my freedom. Instead the works held me under more bondage because no matter how hard I tried I was constantly “failing”. I could never seem to get it right. I was always doing something wrong and I became judge and master of my own life. There was no space for what the blood of Jesus had done and instead of pleading the blood, I pleaded my “works”. “Dear God, I know I used to mess up, but look at me now, I am doing everything right. Why isn’t my life still perfect? Why are you still angry with me? What else can I do?” I didn’t know that the more I said this, the less I was free because my freedom was not about my works but by the “truth”. ‘And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free”.

This is the simple truth: God knew well in advance that I could not keep up my end of the bargain. He knew in advance that I would make many wrong and bad decisions. He knew in advance that I would run from him in guilt and shame. He knew in advance I would consider myself unworthy and try to work my way to earn his grace. And because he knew all this in advance he sent his word. And his word was Christ. The lamb upon the throne. The blood of the lamb is what was shed in advance for me. So that when I needed to, I could plead the blood and that gives me the confidence to approach the throne of God’s beautiful and mighty grace.

I have finally come to realise who I am. I am the daughter of the MOST HIGH GOD. My Father is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. He created the heavens and the earth and all that is in it and he gave me dominion over it all. I am of a heavenly realm. I reign on this earth. I share an inheritance with Christ. I have finally come to accept that I was made for greatness, for signs and wonders. My Light is meant to shine and not be hidden. I have the power to decree a thing and it WILL established. I have finally accepted who I always was. I am…..

ROYALTY.

No Ordinary Love

No Ordinary Love

I have a friend who was never keen on having children, she was not the mummy type and I never heard her express any interest in having a child. One day she found out she was pregnant and decided to keep the child because she didn’t have a reason not to. She was at the right age with a thriving career and she thought: “I might not get another opportunity like this and I don’t want to regret it in future”. So she decided to have the baby. She had the most gorgeous baby and I saw her change completely. She immediately became this loving, protective mother and to be honest a major Momzilla which was a shock to me considering her history. One day God was talking to me and he reminded me of this lady and her baby and he said something that flawed me.

 

He said “look at how much this lady loves a baby she didn’t even know she wanted”. I want you, I planned for you, I planned everything about you. As he mentioned in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” “So can you imagine how much I love you? If a woman who didn’t plan to have a child can love her child so much, how much more do you think I love you? That made me so overwhelmed because I realised how cherished and loved I am by my father.

 

God said to me: “Can a woman forget her nursing child And have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. “Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands” (Isaiah 49:15) And then He also reminded me that: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”(Jeremiah 1:5).

Do know you know amazing it is to be inscribed on the palms of God’s hands? Take a look at your hands, you see those lines, they are a part of you, you can’t ignore them. That is how we are with God.

I see this woman organize her entire life, finances and time around this child making sure her child has EVERYTHING she needs. And it made me remember what Christ said; that if we who are with sin can love our children and give good gifts to them, how much more can our father in heaven with unlimited resources and unlimited love care for us his children who ask him? (Matthew 7:11 NLT).

 

The love God has for us is no ordinary love (cue in; Sade’s ‘No Ordinary love), it is a love that transcends time and our imagination. God loves us with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3). Even if your parents have hurt you or disappointed you, God would never leave you. He is the epitome of love. For he so loved the world that he sent his only son to die for us (John 3:16). If God did not spare his own son for our sake, how much more would he give us everything that we ask for? (Romans 8:32). And beyond that he gave us a new inheritance in Christ Jesus that gives us the ability to do the same incredible things Jesus Christ did. The bible is a true account of the power of God and Christ said that greater things than he would we do. The issue is that we seem to forget who we are and who our Father is. We limit God’s love for us and that is why Paul in Ephesians 3:18-19 said:

 

“And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”

 

My friend would not hesitate to hurt someone if she thinks they are trying to hurt her child. She is incredibly protective and would do ANYTHING for her child. God then told me that: “how far do you think I will go to protect you from harm? If this lady can be so protective, I will not hesitate to use all the resources of heaven to protect you. I was so focused on protecting Moses that I kept him in the home of those who could have hurt him for 40 years, Daniel was in the Lion’s den and came out unscathed. I have given angels charge over you in case you dash your foot against a stone. These are all the things I have given you as a father but the problem is that you don’t believe it and you let the Liar steal from you all that I have legitimately given you as my heir. I can only do as much as you let me and trust me to do.”

 

As I read Matthew 7:11 again I noticed that Christ said the Father in heaven can give us from his unlimited resources only if we ask. In this case, asking is not “begging”. It is simply asking. Joshua only needs to say “Food” and I am already giving him food. And this is me o. So imagine the GOD OF ALL CREATION being your father? Our part is to trust him as innocently as my friend’s daughter trusts her mum.

 

The way my friend’s baby looks at her is amazing. There is this complete trust and knowledge that even if everyone else in the room was unreliable, she knows her mummy is different. When she is crying, she immediately looks to her mummy for comfort and her mum immediately picks her up. Even as a baby she already has that trust and knowledge in her mother and that is what we need as well. Knowing who is the one who cares about us the most. The one who has our best interest at heart. The one that would do ANYTHING for us if we just ask. He is also the one who created us in his image and we are his heirs so it means everything he created belongs to us. I REPEAT: If GOD did not spare his only son for us, WHAT ELSE won’t he give to us?

 

Our part is to trust and KNOW that our Father is willing and able to do above and beyond what we can ever hope for or imagine.

 

Positive Vibes Only

Positive Vibes Only

It has been too long since I put up a post. I decided to change the site a bit and that took longer than expected. I started working on other “projects” during the process and I just occasionally shared on Instagram. One of the strongest ways God has been speaking to me is through my son; Joshua and I got the concept of “Lessons from Joshua”. I will share the things God teaches me about my relationship with him and my life as a Christian as I watch my son grow and I hope someone finds light and hope through my words.

Every time I look at Joshua, I am in awe. There are things he does that just floor me. He is so incredibly smart and I just KNOW FOR A FACT that this is not something I could have taught him. This is not something that I did but all God. And one day I was looking through an old journal and I saw some of the declarations I had written about him. I had written that he would have the wisdom of God from the womb. I also wrote that he would be a joyful, happy baby with a beautiful smile amongst other things. I used to declare these things every day over and over and over again and now to see them actually in my son’s life is just amazing. As I  have continued to make these declarations, his nanny has taken it on. The other day, I heard her telling him; “you are so wise, you are going to be president” and all kinds of awesome stuff. I can’t even say anything that isn’t positive because his father won’t have it. I once called him weird because he was doing something weird and his father corrected me. So we are only allowed to declare positively over our child. And now we also do that over every area of our lives because we are beginning to really know the power of our words.

The bible says “You will also decree a thing, and it will be established for you; And light will shine on your ways (Job 22:28) Do you know why? Because Jesus Christ is in us (Romans 8:10-20). God is in us, so we have to understand that our words carry power. They are no longer idle words. Every word you speak has life!

The word of God is powerful and sharper than any two edged sword (Hebrews 4:12). Can you just imagine how powerful that is? I had a revelation once that the word of God is more than scripture. The bible promises are incredible and definitely carry power as we confess them. But The word of God is Jesus Christ. The word was with God and the word became man. Every time God spoke the word, he was speaking Christ and it is through Christ that the world was created.

“1 In the beginning [before all time] was the Word ([a]Christ), and the Word was with God, and [b]the Word was God Himself. He was [continually existing] in the beginning [co-eternally] with God. All things were made and came into existence through Him; and without Him not even one thing was made that has come into being. In Him was life [and the power to bestow life], and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines on in the [c]darkness, and the darkness did not understand it or overpower it or appropriate it or absorb it [and is unreceptive to it].”

And now the point is that Jesus Christ is in us as well (Romans 8:10-20). That same word is dwelling in us. That word that is alive is in us and accomplishing great things through us. So when we speak we don’t speak as mere humans, we speak with the understanding that the word of God is in us, making sure that our declarations come to pass. When you have that understanding, you are more careful of the negative words you say over the situations in your life. You are careful about what you say to your kids, what you say about your job, what you say about your marriage, what you say about others because they become more than just words.

What have you killed with your words? What do you need to give life to with your words? What do you need to resuscitate with your words? Start to speak the word to it NOW

For the longest time I used to say that only bad things happen to me. I had this mentality that the odds were always against me and I would repeat it over and over again. This actually became my reality. It seemed like everything that was not normally supposed to happen seemed to be happening to me. As God continues to teach me, he is showing me that I have the power to decree a thing and it would be established. He has also shown me that I should never speak an idle word. Of course sometimes you just want to express what you see and you don’t think about what you are saying and that happens to me too. But now I tell myself I have the mind of Christ so even my utterances are being controlled by the Spirit of God that is within me. I am no longer subject to my human limitations. My words carry power and it is up to me to use it.

The bible says that the power of life and death is in the tongue. What have you killed with your words? What do you need to give life to with your words? What do you need to resuscitate with your words? Start to speak the word to it NOW and continue to, even when it looks like nothing is changing. Speak positivity to your life, your job, your marriage,your children, the works of your hands, your relationships.

SPEAK TO IT!

starting-over

Starting Over

I wrote this about a month ago. I realised I needed a break to refresh spiritually and mentally. Sometimes you have to step back to get some clarity.  I am sorry for the silence but I do feel refreshed after Spending time in prayer and fellowship and I really needed it.  If you are feeling like you are in a rut, maybe its time to press reset. Take a break from social media, spend time you’ll normally use on Instagram with God and his word. Reprioritise what matters. You’ll be amazed. It’s a new month, its the perfect time to start over.

In 2015, I had an experience that changed my life forever. After 42 weeks being pregnant, I gave birth to my daughter Apphiah who died within a few hours in this world. The experience was devastating but through it I became free to express to the world my love for the God who pulled me through. I became a golden girl, everyone wanted to interview me, talk to me, hear me speak and minister. I was soaring and on fire for JESUS CHRIST.

Then in 2016, I gave birth to a completely healthy and perfect baby and I was so happy. I put in all my energy to this special baby. I spent all my waking and sleeping hours with this baby on my mind, Before I knew it, I was too tired to pray, too tired to study the bible, too tired to go to church, too tired to fellowship with others. It was such a gradual decline, I didn’t realise how bad until I had a new challenge and I didn’t even know how to pray. I got too distracted.

How often has that happened to you? One minute your life is filled with Christ and then you get an amazing blessing and Christ stops being your focus. You sacrifice a relationship with the giver of the gift to focus on the gift itself and before you know it, you end up in an abyss. You feel lost, depressed, unhappy and like a failure. These were my emotions anyway. As my relationship with God fizzled out, I got sooo lost, I didn’t know who I was anymore or whose I was. I felt like a zombie.

The reason why your life might seem empty at the moment is because you have let the gift distract you from the giver of the gift. We are so focused on waiting for God to give us that ONE THING that we don’t take time to pay attention to God himself. Our relationship is so surface, we are just in it for what we can get, we pretend to be interested in the giver of the gift but truth is that as soon as we get what we are looking for, we might or might not say thank you and that’s the end of the relationship. Well, until we need something else. And we start the dance all over again.

The irony is that instead of going through this same process over and over again, we can learn as said in psalm 34:10 that those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing. Imagine if we really chose to “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness”, won’t it be amazing to see that “all other things will be added unto us?” Matthew 6;33

What is sooo important that it has made us to lose focus on what is most important? For me, it was my son. I was trying to be the perfect mum. I needed to make sure I was doing a good job of taking care of this beautiful gift from God but I was sooooo tired and empty.  Instead of feeling like a super hero mum, I started to feel like a real failure. I started to wonder why I felt like I was losing when I was supposed to be celebrating my biggest win.  Then one day I realised it was because I had lost sight of what matters most which is living your life to please God. Making sure God was number 1. Nothing else is more important, not even my precious baby that I prayed for.

So I had to start over. I had to reconnect. I had to go back to basics. Making God number one no matter what. I had to do whatever was necessary from sleep training my baby to deleting Instagram. I got aggressive. I found the perfect online prayer group. Waking up to pray at 4am in the morning was a choice I made. Bible study? Yes please. WHATEVER IT TOOK.

I wasn’t necessarily asking for anything but to rebuild a relationship I desperately missed. I missed having clear direction. I missed knowing which decisions to take on the little things and the big things. I missed having the peace that comes with being in sync with God. I missed my joy because I started to feel so miserable. SO MUCH I MISSED and I need to take desperate measures to get it back.  Ironically, I started to REALLY enjoy being a mum and a wife. I started to enjoy the gift a lot more when I made the giver of the gift number 1. It gave me perspective and I realised just how blessed I am.

As with every relationship, it is a process. But this is one process I am loving

HAPPY-BIRTHDAY

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

IT IS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!! I am soooo Happy!!! This birthday feels so different. I have such peace in my spirit. I just know I am entering a new season and even though I don’t know the when or why or how, I KNOW THE GOD I HAVE. I am grateful to God for being too good to me. I was just thinking about my life and I wrote a little letter to God. I am sharing it with you too. I am just in awe of how far God has brought me. I pray you enjoy God’s peace. I pray you know how much he loves you. I pray you will know him on a new level. I pray you will always find your joy in him. I pray he comforts you no matter what you are going through. I pray you know how much he loved you that he sent his only son to die for you. I pray you accept the love of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Do something kind today. Celebrate my birthday with me by being SUPER KIND TO SOMEONE TODAY!!! And thank you for even reading my posts, for emailing with your kind words. You have NO IDEA how God uses you to bless me and show me a little bit of who I am. THANK YOU!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Hello Dad,

It’s me. Your daughter. It’s my birthday today!!! YAYYYY!!! Of course you knew that, because you know EVERYTHING about me. You chose the day I came into this world, you created me in the secret place of my mother’s womb. You watched over me and made sure I was perfectly formed and at the right time, on this day, thirty one years ago, you brought me out to this place, this temporary home, to fulfil the purpose I was created for.

Dad, yesterday I was a bit sad. I let the liar get in my head. He told me I wasn’t good enough. He told me my life was on hold. He told me I won’t amount to much. He told me to be afraid about my future. He told me I have reached my peak. He said so many lies dad and for a split second I started to believe him. But because you are my Dad, you were also watching and you started to speak to me.

You told me: I haven’t even started. You told me I am just about to begin. You told me I have been under construction. You told me that the purpose you have called me for is greater than I can imagine. You told me that I carry a light and through me you will shine your light. You told me that you have called me to restore others and to give them comfort. You told me I am entering a new season. And as you spoke my heart became so glad. I started to see you in everything.

I saw you in my amazing husband, through whom you spoke to me. The one that is so excited for the future you have promised me. The one that opened my eyes to how much you have given me. The one that shows me that you are biased about me. The one who reminded me of your promises, even when I had forgotten. I saw you in my life. I saw you in the fact that I have great health. I saw you in the fact that I have more than I need despite choosing to stay at home to raise a son. I saw you in my son. I look at him and I am in awe of how perfectly you blessed me with him. I couldn’t have imagined he’ll be this awesome even if I tried. I saw how you have supplied all that we need to take care of him. I saw how you have protected and shielded me on numerous occasions. I saw you in the family I have and the friends I have. I saw you in the seemingly perfect coincidences that are creating the path which you have called me to walk. I saw you Lord and I see you Lord.

Today I wish I could say thank you a billion, zillion times. It still won’tbe enough. I never would have considered myself a worthy vessel but somehow you chose me. Me??? I am in awe of your grace Dad. I am in awe of your faithfulness. I am in awe of your mercy. I am in awe of your loving kindness. I am in awe of your unending love. I am in awe of you. My heart is filled with gratitude. You love me with a patience that outstands me. I know for a fact it is completely undeserved but yet you love me. My heart worships you. My soul magnifies you. My spirit yields to you. I AM IN AWE OF YOU. I AM IN AWE OF YOU. You are so perfect Dad. This girl is grateful to you. I wish I could express my gratitude in other ways. What would be adequate? NOTHING. You humble me Lord. I love you.

Thank you for another year. Thank you for calling me. Thank you for loving me. I am excited for where you are taking me. Teach me patience Dad. Help me to trust the process and enjoy the journey, I love you Dad. Thank you.

Happy birthday to me!

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