Category Archives: Testimonies

Anne’s’s Testimony: A Story of Manifestation

I loveeeee Testimonies and I love this one. I particularly love how specific she was with the job and position she wanted. The power of our declarations is amazing and we should never stop speaking what we want until we see it. Thanks so much ANNE for sharing this!!

 

Hi Tito,

 

Mighty thank you to GOD for your insightful and spirit filled book. Congratulations! 

 

So remember I owed you a mail?

 

Recall we had one long chat in 2016? Where I was talking about things being on a stand still, how the prayer and wait for love was looking like there is no end to it?

 

Anyway, added to all that I had just walked away from a job. I do not think I told you this. It was my first opportunity after NYSC and I learned a whole lot, got exposed, failed a lot but got back up every second. I worked really hard. It was bitter sweet, toxic and demanding. During my first months with every feedback I got everyday, I went to work each morning telling myself “this is the day you get fired”. 

 

Honestly I didn’t believe in myself. My friends and family felt I was doing well, but the affirmation from my work place never came. Anyway, I am used to no compliments. I guess I go after my goals hoping that I would be recognized for who I know I am – resilient, tenacious and very innovative/creative. 

 

I learned the power of association and friendship while I worked there. I made friends I believe GOD sent to me. They would encourage and chastise me and there was never a moment I had to “call back later”. They would leave everything to help me. I remember complaining to one of them after 3 months at work because I really wanted to leave. He said, “Ah, your boss is highly intelligent. If you weren’t doing well she would have fired you by now. So hold on and learn. When it is time to leave even you would not be able to stay”.

 

So I stayed at the job for 3 years and 6 months. It was not easy to leave. I prayed earnestly and was so restless at work that I knew it was time to leave. A lot of things happened in between but it will all be too lengthy to write. My Dad thought I was crazy to leave my job (even though I had found another) and I knew deep in my heart that I would not last at the new place.

 

I knew it was time to leave that job because I was really exhausted and needed time off, but I needed a reason to leave. GOD saw my weakness and sent a job but I heard it in my heart that I wouldn’t be at my new job for long. 

 

My Boss felt I was not being rational to want to work for a place I barely knew but she gave her blessings and reassured me that I could return if it didn’t turn out, as I wanted. So I left. 

 

When I started at the new place, I didn’t feel challenged, it seemed I was a local champion and seriously I still felt the need to ‘rest’. I walked away after 3 months. I handed in my resignation letter and I did not bother to tell anyone about it.

 

I had no plan, or saved finances because I had slaved away at a job that did not pay good money but I was full of experience and dreams. I learned I would be paid gratuity from the first place and tried to lean on it but it didn’t come at the time and soon I got really broke. 

 

I went for that retreat we talked about and mehn, My life has not been the same. It changed for good!! It was like a vacation with GOD. I didn’t want to leave the facility I lodged in but had to (Money was running out. Lol). 

 

Well, I decided to publish a book. Where the money would come from, I had no idea but I worked on it anyways. In 3 months I collated all the stories I had in my laptop and was ready. Then I summoned courage to pursue my gratuity and like a dream it came just when I made up my mind to go ahead to publish. Now this decision seemed crazy, because this girl doesn’t have money, now she has some and wants to publish a book? 

 

Phew, I must have been jazzed.

 

I did publish the book and recovered my costs but all the expenses I had incurred during my broke times swept it and soon I was nearing 0. 

 

Anyway all through this time, I leeched on highflyers for mentorship, prayed, served at church, had time for family, read a lot (also was studying for an MBA) and I got a contract to consult for 3 months (although it was not steady). I met amazing people, started off a community Online that is growing, I went for free conferences and symposiums/workshops. My network grew, I got stipends from freelance jobs, a friend who is now family was so helpful and then funds came in from the proceeds of my book. I lived with my Parents and siblings so no headaches about rent and food. 

 

Oh I had plenty of rest!!! The freedom was amazing, even without money! Lol. I had learned to leave my needs to GOD because HE always goes ahead of me. 

 

I wasn’t applying for jobs because I didn’t feel ready at all, but in October 2017 I felt ready. I told GOD I enjoyed the period of rest and now needed a very good job that would give me peace. 

 

Before all of these experiences, I always dreamed of 3 places to work and any time I passed the buildings, I would say in my heart or to anyone with me “I would work here someday”. I then went on to tell them the other two options and the exact position I wanted to occupy. People laughed at me and said such places were hard to get, taking into consideration the fact that their vacancies weren’t made public and even if you applied, you rarely got a response

 

I never took their words for anything. Never. You see I have never applied for work. I get offers but I turn them down. Back at school, I remember telling GOD with so much pain; “after all my hard work I didn’t get the grade I wanted! It means I don’t need this result. I would not look for work!”

 

So really it has never come into my mind that I would be in need of a job. I always keep myself ‘busy’ by doing something. (I also make clothes but deliberately didn’t do any during this period of ‘rest’. I really felt GOD telling me to chill). 

 

So back to October, I told GOD that the consultancy would soon end (and was not stable anyway) and that it was time for a good stable job. In as much as I had it in me to be on my own, I had studied myself and saw gaps that needed active development to fill them.  I needed more experience to build more capacity. And so I started applying for jobs. I almost got one but it did not work out and my first place of work offered me my job back but I didn’t take it. 

 

One night I laid on my bed, crying, wondering if I cursed myself (by saying I wouldn’t look for work) because it seemed I was running in circles. I was upset at being broke and also not having a man in my life. I felt that at least one should work (lmao!), because in my mind, something has to take one’s time and if it isn’t a thriving career then perhaps building a family or relationship. I had none. 

 

As I thought of my life, my phone beeped. It was a mail from my friend. It read “oya apply!”.

I opened the attachment and Lo and behold! It was a vacancy at one of the organisations I had always wanted to work with. And what was most shocking was that the job description and requirements seemed to describe ME! In fact, my friend said: “I read it and all I could think of was you. That is you they described. You can do the job”. 

 

I checked the deadline and it had past. I called him and he said “open the form and read to the end it hasn’t lapsed”. I checked again and saw it was going to lapse in 2 weeks. Omo! I cleaned my eyes o!

 

I filled that form that night and kept it for 3 days. Why? To pray over the application, tell GOD about it (I really wanted to stop running ahead of HIM and pulling HIM along). Also, I wanted to re-read my application and giving some days’ interval always helps to address your mistakes. So on the 3rd day, a Monday morning I sent it. 

 

Life continued, and the pangs of under achievement hit me again. It got so bad, that one afternoon I cried aloud and told GOD (paraphrased) “see I am tired o! Tired of praying. What have I done so bad that you are punishing me like this??? I am 30 with nothing! Nothing. As in, if anything happens I don’t even have savings. How did I get here? Give me a second chance. I am tired, I cannot pray, no words, I have said and prayed all I know. Yes I would tell about your awesomeness perhaps the people I would tell will please you better than I ever can, but as for me I am tired”. I cried to sleep and the rest of the day was a blur. 

 

The next morning, I went through my mails and saw “invitation for interview”. Tito! I jumped out of my bed, completely stunned and I felt goose bumps all over. The Organisation invited me o! Hmmm…I thanked GOD in advance! I even sent Nathaniel Bassey my testimony in advance. I did all this even in the midst of fear but I chose to hold on to my tiny faith left. 

 

Interview day came, woah! See over qualified people. Out of the 1000s of applications only 5 of us were selected to this stage. I shook in my shoes but put up a courageous front. The interviews were in 3 stages. There was a stage where all applicants had to face each other, which was a brutal stage but oh well. 

 

During the one on ones I felt so nervous and stammered sef. Hmmm, I got home (I think I went to Church first and thanked GOD for victory) and when everyone asked how it went, I just told them it went well. 

 

As days rolled by I experienced great attacks on my faith. All the answers I should have given the interviewers swam through my head. I wondered and wondered. Well I later left it at GOD’S feet and when the fear pangs come I would just hold on to a scripture. 

 

On December 1, 2017, I was away from home concluding the consultancy job and people were wishing me“happy new month” but I felt nothing. What’s new? Lol. GOD was yet to answer (or rather manifest HIS answers because he always answers). I even cried and didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. Then my phone rang… Tito (tears are even gathering now) I GOT THE JOB!!!!! I ran to my colleague’s room shaking. As she opened her door I collapsed in her hands and wept like a child. Serious wails! I have never experienced such a feeling and it came from within. My whole body shook and I felt so cold. 

 

GOD gave me a custom made, factory fitted Miracle! GOD! At a place I always wanted with a position I wanted as well. THE EXACT POSITION!

 

I have been in awe. Now, looking back I see it wasn’t so much about the job. It was about the fact that I felt GOD had left me and I just needed a lifeline to prove that HE was working on my petitions. 

 

HE gave me the luxury of a year of rest and development, built me up (replacing layers of me that were worn out lol. Painful. Like gold passing through fire. I cannot describe how difficult and sweet the year was) and then right on time HE handed me a dream. 

 

I am not in a relationship yet. I am 31, but you see GOD who gave me this Miracle job o, is about to present me to my factory fitted husband. Every disappointment I experienced is worth the victory I see at the front. Yes I feel the pangs of yearning for a spouse I am yet to see or know where he will come from. 

 

However, I am a child of a GOD who goes ahead of me.

Mr Y’s Testimony

 

 

We rarely think of fertility challenges as being a man’s issue and it always seems to be about the women but the truth is that this is a challenge for the men too especially when you feel completely helpless. Thank you Mr Y for sharing this with us.

When I got married almost 5 years ago, to this nerdy, pretty, loving and smart doctor, the last thing I worried about was having challenges having babies. Thankfully, I’m married to a consultant medical practitioner.. so if there was anything I worried about, it was having enough money to look after my family not having babies. Or so I thought.

So after 12months of being married without getting pregnant, my wife recommended that we see a fertility specialist to ascertain the reason since we were trying to get pregnant. Reluctantly I agreed.

After the medical evaluations, the results confirmed that our chances of having babies via normal conception was quite slim.
I swear this confirmation hit me like a bomb and got me asking myself these questions. Why me? Why us…
You watch it on TV and read about it on the blogs, but you never expect it would happen to you.

Anyway, we realised we had a challenge and no amount of sulking, worrying or crying would change anything. We had to pray and do the needful. So we braced up and went in for an IVF procedure.

We went in really upbeat and determined. We both placed our hopes on God’s words and promises.

IVF is hard work, from the collection procedure to the needles. The long emotionally tasking 2weeks post transfer wait… We prayed it would be worth it. But then, the news came and it failed…

It was hard accepting the news. It broke me watching my wife cry so much that day. She sat on the living room carpet crying her eyes out. She felt it was her fault. Probably something she didn’t do right? How could she not be able to achieve this? She’s a consultant, this is what she was trained to achieve! She helps people get pregnant and she has delivered dozens of babies doing her job.

I tried my best to comfort her and assured her that it was just a year and 6months into our marriage. The babies would come by God’s grace. It wasn’t easy though, I was already 36 and my wife was 31. Secretly I worried too. A lot actually.

It was a crazy period. I recall different pastors coming to visit and praying for us and the varying counsel from family and friends on how to remedy the situation. People who have experienced this challenge can easily relate to this phase

Not to forget the uncouth statements from some friends and colleagues. Statements like..”You Na no go born?? You guys ain’t growing young oh?”

The pressure set in and in another 2 years we had undergone 3 additional failed IVF procedures and millions of hard earned cash spent.

At this point and almost 4 years into married the doctors advised we discussed the option of surrogacy. Didn’t even know they did it in Nigeria…

Anyway at this point I had, had enough and needed to clear my head. So my wife and I went on separate vacations. Just to get closure and me-time. It helped just being away from everyone and everything that reminded us about the baby wahala.

On our return, we promised ourselves we would take a break from the procedure and just heal.

But then we received a call from one of our specialist who was relocating and appealed that we try just one more time.

It was such a confusing period. We had agreed to rest and just live for now. What’s this appeal again?? The weekend after the call, my wife appealed that we should try just for the last time. Reluctantly I agreed …

Mid year 2016, we went in for another procedure, indifferent in our approach which was due to the 4 failed earlier​ attempts.

One week into the egg transplant my wife started complaining of acute abdominal pain and was diagnosed of acute OHSS. Her tummy was swollen from fluid accumulation in her ovaries which had to be drained with a tube. During this period we totally forgot about the the pregnancy matter, I just prayed she got better.

A week after the OHSS treatment she went in for her routine pregnancy test despite the pain and medications. The news came out… We were having a baby.

Baby ke? How? After 4 procedures under the best conditions we didn’t get pregnant. How is this possible?? But yes, our God did it. With a 25% chance of getting pregnant. God showed up.

The excitement was great and equally overwhelming. We couldn’t wait.

3 months into the pregnancy my wife was diagnosed of a threatened miscarriage. But God stepped in.

Between 5-7months, she was hospitalised twice for severe pre-term contractions. And once again God showed up

5 months ago we welcomed our bundle of joy into this world. A bouncing baby boy with all my good genes and his mum’s intuition. I hope.

Watching him grow daily is pure delight. Growing into a healthy, happy and blessed child. Just did a quick glance at him sleeping on my chest as I type in this pretty long write-up..

In all, our God is faithful and true. We just have to believe and trust in Him to direct us. We need to be intuitive to know when to move once he says so …

During our period of wait, the stories on the Lighthouse site really helped build my faith. And so did the mails I exchanged with Tito. God bless you all. I pray my story encourages and blesses someone out there.

Blessings.

Mr. Y.

My Lighthouse Testimony great gift

Tayo and Stephen’s Testimony: Our Great Gift

If you have ever physically seen a baby in NICU with tubes attached everywhere, you’ll understand why we always celebrate when a baby makes it through. I saw the picture of Tayo’s baby Folahanmi with tubes attached and my heart skipped a few beats. That such a helpless baby can be in such a situation is something we never want to experience and it is at these moments you know just how powerless you are and why God is EVERYTHING. Tayo, thank you so much for sharing this testimony with us and to encourage all others that in the face of adversity, God comes through ALWAYS.

These two have known each other since secondary school and it is such a pleasure to be sharing this testimony with you because they are friends from secondary school and God definitely gave them a great gift. Look how precious Folahanmi is!!!! I praise God for you. I praise God for sparing your life Tayo!

I had a very good pregnancy. I had no nausea, no vomiting, no unusual cravings, and no tiredness. I was happy and strong. This was such a blessing to me because I had some exams I was studying for.

I went for all my antenatal visits and there was no problem. Being a Medical Dr., I had no worries. It never for once crossed my mind that anything could go wrong. I felt I had witnessed enough deliveries and I was ready for mine.

On my EDD, I woke up and knew it was time. I was timing the contractions, breathing steadily, singing Nathaniel Bassey and feeling hyped.

Despite the fact that I had adequate contractions and was taking walks, 12hrs after I got to the hospital, my labour had barely progressed.

18hrs later, my labor stopped progressing completely at 7cm. I developed chorioamnionitis and started shivering uncontrollably. The fetal monitor started showing that the baby was in distress. My baby had to be brought out by an emergency cesarean section. HE DID NOT BREATHE AT ALL! He was immediately intubated and taken to the intensive care unit. Within the next few hours, he had a seizure; and then another seizure! While this was happening, I was still on the table losing so much blood and slipping in and out of consciousness. What I thought would be an easy delivery had become a nightmare.

While in recovery, I was told my baby had to be transferred to a more intensive care unit in another hospital. So many negative things started flooding my mind. I started thinking of all the medical jargon associated with what had happened to him. I couldn’t pray! I felt so angry and started thinking of what I could have done wrong. Even though I knew it wasn’t about me, I still blamed myself. I was however blessed to have been surrounded by people of faith. Everyone around me seemed to know how to pray except me. Even the ICU nurses joined hands and prayed for us.

After he was stabilized, he still had to be connected to all sorts of tubes. He had breathing tubes and feeding tubes. There were wires connected to almost every inch of his body. He was a week old before I could even hold him. Even with all the gadgets, he kept smiling at me. My husband became my hero at this point! He was always singing, praying and declaring Gods word. He did all the diaper changes, temperature checks and wheeled me around the hospital. All I had strength for was tears and to say “amen” to prayers.” He kept telling me God was going to perfect everything. I am not sure if I believed him but his faith slowly helped mine to grow.

One after the other, the tubes started to come off. It remained one last tube which was the feeding tube. “My baby just did not want to eat!” It had been 2 weeks and he did not know how to suckle. According to them, he had developed a ‘feeding aversion’ and it would take a long time for him to learn how to feed. Every time they would come up with a diagnosis, we would just smile and reject the report. It was weird to be saying “God forbid” because I used to be one of those doctors who used to think patients who did that were in denial!  After 3weeks in the ICU, I told the doctosthat we wanted to take our baby home. We had faith that he would eat once he got home.

He was discharged 17days after delivery on the 29th of August 2016 with a feeding tube. We prayed for him when we got home and while we were thinking of the next thing to do, our baby Folahanmi yanked out the feeding tube. My medical instinct screamed for me to replace the tube immediately but my husband said he believed he was not going to need it. HE WAS RIGHT! Folahanmi started to feed more than he ever had.

After his discharge home, we had appointments with his home a home care nurse, a team of therapists, a speech therapist, a neurologist and his pediatrician. They all wondered why they ever thought anything was wrong with our baby. He was perfect and didn’t need any medical care.

Every time I look at Folahanmi, I smile and thank God for this perfect gift. Sometimes, I put on the light just to look at his face. He is simply perfect.

Today, Folahanmi is 6months and doing everything he is supposed to do. He eats, sleeps, poops, plays, giggles, sits, crawls. He is such a beautiful chubby baby and I’m forever thankful to God for sparing our lives.

My Lighthouse Testimony my miracle

Aderinmola’s Testimony: My Miracle ■ My Testimony ■ My Faith changer

I am so excited to be sharing this particular testimony because I was able to be a witness to this testimony. If you follow me on instagram, you might recall me putting up a prayer request for a baby that had been born at 29 weeks and his mother had asked us to join in prayer. I remember seeing people join in prayer for a complete stranger and it was incredible. I realised that this platform is bigger than me, it is a community and we can build each other up and share the light of God with the world. So to be able to share this testimony is a real privilege because Aderinmola has a beautiful and healthy baby to celebrate today. God is sooooo good!!! 

I have come to encourage someone out there that truly, there’s a God in existence and Who manifests in the affairs of men. For emphasis sake, this is not a story of show off but a testimony to direct and redirect that one person to Christ – and to tell the world that nothing is impossible with God!

Sometime in October 2014, I realised I was pregnant (this is after so much desire, several trying and eagerness to conceive). I was filled with so much joy and excitement in anticipation of our bundle of joy and I started preparing, said preparation including but not limited to contacting and already booking an appointment with an ObGyn in a Hospital in the US (this ofcourse meant I had furnished funds for traveling et al). I eagerly started counting the days to the arrival of my baby and I would imagine how and whom ‘she’ would look like and how cute ‘she’ would look… just before I hit 30 weeks, the devil struck!

I merely went for my routine Dr’s visit in Nigeria sometime in May 2015 when upon checking my vitals, it was discovered that my blood pressure was high. I had initially thought that it was not a serious thing (being a JJC in pregnancy things) until I was admitted and within a week, I had to undergo an emergency c-section because I was eventually diagnosed of having severe pre-eclampsia and the surgery needed to be done to save my life… I cried all through this period. My daughter was eventually delivered and rushed to the NICU with birth weight of 1.05kg… a day after, she went to heaven [everything happened within a week!]. I was distraught, perplexed and felt (infact, the feeling was/is unexplainable). My breast started to produce milk which I longed for a baby to suck! Places where I had hitherto gone with my big belly, once people saw me, the next question is where/how is baby and I sadly told them, no baby. How I pulled through that period still remains a mystery to me but one song that resounded in my memory then and that I kept singing is ‘the Lord is my strength and my song, my song (2ce), He has become my salvation (2ce), the Lord is my strength and my song, my song‘. Indeed I drew strength from that song and somehow, I pulled through, but that is not to say that I still did not have moments of weakness and uncontrollable shedding of tears.

Anyway, life continued and fast forward to May 2016, exactly a year after, I was pregnant again! I remember vividly my husband’s reaction when I called him to inform him of my pregnancy; he was over the moon and kept on screaming not minding that he was at work (those who have kept on trying for babies may be able to relate with this feeling). We never stopped thanking God for giving us a shot at pregnancy again, I in particular, and I say this because, I literally became obsessed with being pregnant when pregnancy will not come quick. Anywhere I went to and I saw pregnant women, I would stare at them so bad that they will almost feel embarrassed if they had caught me staring. Let me spare you all the details… So we prayerfully continued in this new pregnancy, I was too particular about what I consumed, I was not stressed in anyway, I exercised minimally… I essentially crossed my t’s and dotted my i’s. I prayed, I rested and slept well!

 

And then again, at exactly 29 weeks and 4 days, the devil tried sneaking in again! He probably thought he would succeed this time but the Almighty God proved him wrong! I had barely finished praying and about to sleep at the early hours of November 1, 2016 when I suddenly started bleeding! We rushed to the hospital and after several tests, it was said that there’s a partial placental abruption! Another emergency c-section was done and at 4:35am, my son was birthed with the most adorable cry that brought uncontrollable tears down my eyes! He weighed 980grams, less than 1kg and was immediately rushed to the NICU.

I was dumbfounded and kept on thinking and asking myself, how I got to this point again as this particular pregnancy was so seamless and uneventful! But this is where I saw the King of kings and Lord of lords in action! He exceeded our imaginations and those of our son’s caregivers. Did we pray? O yes! we prayed our eyes and hearts out! The Lord raised people to also pray with us. My son spent 53 days in an incubator and even dropped from the weight of 980 grams to 920 grams; and it constantly broke my heart that I could not touch or hold my son but can only watch him through a glass. As much as it broke my heart, I kept my faith charged! I needed to be strong for my son cause it was already established that he is strong (yes, as tiny as he was, he exhibited this trait), and a fighter and I should not be the one dropping the ball! He fought through all the odds and he came out even stronger to the glory of God!

My son began growing and developing and amazed even the medical people taking care of him. I recall one of the nurses getting personal with me and asking where I fellowship and I told her, she told me, this boy is a miracle child. She began praying to his God to bless her for taking care of himIn my mind, I had thought a child of 1.05kg stood a chance, but God had to remind me that He shows up in the most unbelievable circumstances – my son who was birthed at 980grams, dropped to 920 grams is now over 3kg today and very strong I must say! (I’m not saying this to feel good but this is from the testimonies of people who have come in contact with him).

“I have seen God at work in my life and I believe He can be much more to you!

Of course there were some pessimists as Doctors while he was on admission, but they soon realised that there is something different about him and I remember one of them who never really believed he would make it, walked up to me to tell me – this boy is a miracle child! She had to acknowledge that there is something different about him. Indeed the abiding presence of the Lord never left him, His mighty hand was strong upon him, the host of heavens was on assignment on his behalf and he was delivered to us unscathed and in perfect health condition! O my! when he cries for you, you will sure know that there is a mighty one around! You delay his meal by just one second, then you’ll know some people don’t mess with their meals… his smile is too adorable and warming… I can go on and on about this extraordinary child of God…

“There is a God! He is alive and still does miracles!”

God did not just miraculously preserve my boy, He also raised help for us financially. Our hospital bill shot up so high in the range of millions and just as we wondered how this bill would be paid in this recession, God has so far miraculously provided over 85 percent of the required funds of which did not come from our purse! This is God I must say! Indeed, this young man is my Miracle, my Testimony and my Faith Changer because my faith level isn’t the same anymore! God moved me from a state of total hopelessness to being indeed hopeful and my faith has constantly grown!

Friends, this is a message to you that there is God! He is alive and still does miracles! Have you been wondering if God can still? Yes! He can and He will! Please keep trusting Him and keep your gaze fixed on Him. The devil in his usual manner will come and drop several ideas into your mind but please never let it get at you, attack it immediately with the word of God and continuously remind yourself of God’s promises. It worked for me and I believe it can work for you – I continuously declared (such that it became like a song for me), that my son lives and he is not dying! Indeed, he lives!

This is a message of hope to you out there, please be encouraged by this testimony and hold on to God’s word for your life – HE IS ABLE! (choi! those words are real). Per adventure you are still out there and not sure about this God we are talking about, please hear it from me – GOD IS REAL! He loves you and wants to be a part of your life. Please welcome Him into your life and you will be thankful you did. Believe in Him and accept Him into your life as your personal Lord and Saviour and then watch Him transform your life for the better!

And if you are still unsure about facing God squarely, you are still dilly dallying, you are still blowing neither hot nor cold, please retrace your steps and come boldly to the throne of mercy – He is ever ready to welcome you into His ever open arms. I have seen God at work in my life and I believe He can be much more to you!

God bless you!

Aderinmola Utake

“I have seen God at work in my life and I believe He can be much more to you!”

My Lighthouse Testimony Faith through loss

Pulling Me Through: Faith through Loss

Something I am learming is that things won’t always go our way. We will be tested but at the end of the test can we say we truly love God and believe he loves us too? This testimony is going to push you a little. You will have questions and you probably won’t get answers. But there is a scripture that comes to mind:  8“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. 9“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8). 

Satan would test you. He’ll lie, kill and destroy which is his job but these words from our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ should comfort you:  And the Lord said,[c] “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. 32 But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.”(Luke 23:31-32)

Thank you so much to our lovely Mrs O. for sharing this. Please check out her blog and share words of encouragement and love to her. Can’t wait for us to read about your baby and what God does through and in you. 

https://the31womansite.wordpress.com/

“Through all I have gone through, Lord it was you – 2x
It was you, pulling me through, It was you, Lord it was you pulling me through”

That is the opening verse of a song that pulled me through while I was passing through. My heart is so heavy as I type this and sincerely I do not even know where to start from but because I promised God that I would share this testimony and though it did not turn out the way I wanted it to, I still owe God this vow.

Most of my readers know that I have been TTC, in fact we were on our third year when miraculously God answered us in May, it was as if I was dreaming when I woke up by 6am that Sunday morning and carried out the HPT and saw those two red lines, it was so surreal I had to wake Mr. T up to confirm that I wasn’t seeing double. Well I wasn’t, it was indeed a positive pregnancy test. AH! Finally God had answered us, I was filled with love for the child already. Imagine the way we felt when we went for the first scan and saw the tiny heartbeat blinking on the screen. I just couldn’t believe it!

Well my first trimester was practically blissful, I was still going to work, still cooking, still myself never the less, I had very slight morning sickness, it was pretty much a textbook first trimester, I was so excited when I passed the first trimester because that was usually the scary part of being pregnant, so you can only imagine my shock when I woke up on the 25th of August, to a pool of liquid, it was like water mixed with blood. I called my doctors and they called me in for a scan immediately. I got to the hospital still smiling only to be given the worst news of my life, I had ruptured membranes at just 14 weeks plus!!! I was speechless, my doctors termed it an incomplete abortion and asked us to evacuate the pregnancy which Mr. T bluntly refused. God gave us this one and if He wanted to take it away then it was up to Him but we were not going to evacuate a child who still had a heartbeat. They sent us home asking us to remain on strict bed rest to see if the fluid will return or if the membrane will seal up by itself, they were hoping we would return soon complaining of pains and then the baby will abort itself.

We went home filled with tears in our eyes, I kept asking God what was the reward of my service in his vineyard, all my years of toil in His vineyard, I was like why do the righteous suffer? I had waited for this child and now that the child was here, the child is still being taken away from us. We prayed, we cried, we had vigils, we called on parents, friends, pastors and department members to pray for us. This began another 14 weeks of one problem to another, I was on strict bed rest only allowed to go to the hospital every week to scan and check progress. I kept on leaking this fluid even on the bed, the fluid kept replenishing but the membrane never sealed so it kept leaking but the miracle was this, the baby had still not aborted instead the baby was growing as expected, every week there was growth and development according to the week.

We were happy, grateful and all that God was disappointing the doctors, even the doctors were surprised, they called the child a ‘miracle child’, this encouraged them to keep working with us, I remember one doctor kept on shouting that it was impossible for the child to still be awake after rupturing membrane since 14 weeks, he particularly said I did not know what was wrong with me and it wasn’t the fluid I had been leaking, one doctor called me a woman of faith, another doctor told me that I had defied medical science and had written my own medical textbook. I was so happy knowing that God was trying to prove a point, I had started arranging how I was going to give the testimony in church and at the camp, proving the doctors that told us to evacuate wrong. It got to a point that blood started coming out too like I was on my regular monthly period, but the doctors kept saying it was normal with the severe leaking that was going on. Every time I prayed, I heard God assuring me that He knew what He was doing, in fact He told me expressly to “Fear not, He would be with me even up till the very end” He also said “Stand still and know that I am God” So I was assured that He was in control and that this was going to be a miracle that would astonish the world.

I had become a regular patient moving from one hospital to another, I had started sleeping on different hospital beds, I had a serious fear for needles but I tell you that during this period, needles became my best friend. Well to cut the long story short, on the 4th of December, 2016 when we were about 29 weeks and 2 days, I started having contractions all through the night and by morning of the 5th, I was wheeled to the theatre for an emergency c-section and there our baby girl was born!!! Imagine the joy of Mr. O and my parents who were waiting outside. She was born by 9:30am weighing about 1.2kg at just 29weeks, well I never got to see her or hold her again after the time I saw her in the theatre because she was rushed into an incubator to help her breathing, until I heard that she had gone back to Heaven on the same day by 4:00pm.

Well I cannot explain the frame of mind I was in when I heard this, I thought about how we had developed a pattern, how I knew she was a girl already (because God had shown her to me and given me a name for her) and how Mr. O didn’t believe me, how I knew when she was asleep and when she was awake, how she kicked whenever I played music close to her ears or when I put bright light in front of her, how she kicked with so much vigour when she wanted me to change the position I was sleeping in, how she hiccupped every morning….I could go on and on but I felt empty! I was wondering where she had gone, I wanted her to come back and just stay inside me and not come out to this world, I just couldn’t understand! I asked questions, I blamed myself for not listening to the doctors when they asked us to evacuate, I blamed myself for holding on to faith. Nobody could understand how I felt, they kept asking me not to cry and not to think about it, they told me all sorts of testimonies about people who had gone through something similar but are smiling today, I listened and just nodded because I knew that it was only God who was going to help me through this, He was the only one who could pull me through just like how He had done in the past.

I found it difficult to pray but I got on my knees one morning and poured my heart out to God, I didn’t ask for explanation of all the promises He had assured me with when I doubted, I didn’t complain, I just poured out my heart and asked the Holy Spirit to heal me in His own way and He did. I am not there yet because I still think about it and shed a tear or two but I am getting there. One scripture that kept playing in my mind through out this period was Psalm 34:19 “Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivereth them out of it all” and John 16:33 “ I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world”. Which simply means that this world is filled with afflictions, trouble, trials and tribulations but we know we have a Father who will always deliver us out of it all. I now saw the reason why He told me at the beginning of the pregnancy that I should Fear not, He would be with me even up till the very end, meaning He had seen the end and knew that I would need His strength not to lose my senses or be afraid.

I still do not know why He made me go through it all but I know He has a reason which is yet to be revealed, I know the devil wanted me to say there is no God, he wanted to take my life but God showed up for me, so this is me giving thanks to God because He said in all things we should give thanks, I thank Him for sparing my life, I thank Him for the wonderful experience of being able to carry a child, I thank Him because I am no longer considered barren, I thank God I am still standing in faith and that I have not fallen out of the race, I thank God for the opportunity to share this story to build someone’s faith and tell you to trust God even when it seems like its not going the way you wanted because you cannot see the battles He is fighting for your life, I thank God for Mr T’s strength and love before, during and after this period, I thank God for friends and families who stood in faith with me and prayed for a miracle, I tell you that a miracle happened and that miracle is ME, that I am alive is a miracle, I thank God that I was surrounded by love and I was not alone during this period because it helped it in my pulling through…

Pregnancy is a very beautiful experience and I pray that all women TTC will experience this and carry their children home too in Jesus name. So I guess this explains my prolonged silence, I didn’t want to be away, if I had my way I would keeping blogging and sharing the word with you beautiful ladies but I just couldn’t but I am back now, better and stronger with new and interesting topics as laid in my spirit by the Holy Spirit. I apologise to those who sent mails that I couldn’t reply and I appreciate those who took out time to check up on me and those who didn’t because I know you had me in your mind, I appreciate you all.

Beautiful Proverbs 31 Women and Ladies, welcome to 2017!!!! Our year of Pleasant surprises and rewards for faith and service…..

It’s our year! I tell you I can already see a rainbow at the end of the storm….Smile and thank God always.

I would also recommend that you beautiful ladies listen to the full song, its “Pulling me through by Todd Dulaney”, every lyric of that song is powerful and explains the things I have not been able to say, I know it will bless you too in Jesus name.

I love you all….

Mrs. O

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