Posts by Tito Idakula

A Story of Grace

There is a point you will get to in your life where your personal feelings become a non factor. A point where you just completely follow as God leads despite how ‘difficult’ it is. I believe I am at that point. I choose to obey God because I know he loves me and he won’t let me be put to shame so I just DO as he says.

In May 2017, I had a strong urge to do a talk show. I noticed that people seem to think this whole concept of a very real God was an illusion and even though many were Christians, they didn’t REALLY have much of a relationship with GOD. I decided to speak to some of my friends and talk about their own personal experiences that solidified their faith and believe in God. As we planned and talked about it, my producer came up with the title: ‘MY JESUS EXPERIENCE” and it was the perfect Title. I wanted people to share their own individual Jesus Experiences to show those with questions that we all have very different relationships with Christ and the goal is for every individual to build their own personal RELATIONSHIP.

 

It was so awesome speaking to over 10 people with very unique stories and experiences and I was not planning to share my own experience. From day 1, God started to tell me that I should shoot my own episode. At this point, he had been speaking to me about writing a book as well. So after hours and hours of speaking to people and being really inspired but completely EXHAUSTED, my awesome producers started to ask if I was going to obey God and share my own story. At this point the make up artist was gone and I was soooo TIRED but you know how God works, if he wants you to do something, he’ll give you inner strength and he gave me that. I also didn’t have a plan on what I was going to say as I sat down but the Holy Spirit completely took over. In fact after filming I could barely remember ANYTHING.

 

A few weeks later, my producer decided to show me the rough edits of what we shot and he showed me mine and I cried. I cried because it was so clear that it was not really me speaking. I didn’t even remember saying any of the things I said. I also didn’t realise how perfectly this episode would play a big part of the message of my book. I didn’t know that I would even release the book before we premiered the talk show. In fact I had been so frustrated after filming as I was getting outrageous bills to edit the show and put it out. I didn’t realise that God had the perfect plan.

The truth is that God told me to write the book before shooting the talk show but I wanted to ignore the book. I had even shared the assignment of the book with my friend and when I told her I recorded an episode with my story, she said “but if God told you to write a book, then you should”. I thought I could control how everything was going to play out but God told me to write the book first and clearly he had a reason for it. So when I finished writing the book and watched this again, I saw how everything really works together for our good.

I have been planning to share “My Jesus Experience” for a long time but I was always hesitant for many reasons. I honestly didn’t want to share this part of my story but I am also learning that in this world I have the status of a King but I remain a servant to Christ. I got carried away with ‘self’ instead of just being obedient. The more I watch, the more I see God’s heart and its one of GRACE. Grace is unmerited favour and it comes from our Father because he loves us so much. I am learning all about God’s love all over again and so much has happened since this video was shot.

I am honestly grateful for the privilege God has given me to turn my ‘mess’ into a message. I pray for you, whoever you are, wherever you are and no matter what you are going though. I pray that you’ll truly accept and believe that God loves you with an unconditional love and it was that LOVE that led to your creation. He doesn’t want you to die silently under the burden of guilt, shame and condemnation. He wants you to thrive and be all that he has called you to be. HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH.

Please watch this. Please share this with anyone you believe this message can bless.

It Makes No Sense

I grew up in a Muslim family. My Dad is muslim. Before that I actually grew up with my mum who goes to a white garment church (yeah, I had an interesting childhood). Anyway, I never really knew much about JESUS. I didn’t know much about God loving me so much that he became man and died on the cross to save me. It really made no sense to me. How is Jesus also God? What is this whole thing about the blood of Jesus? And him taking stripes to heal me? He died then rose again and because of that sin has no hold over me? It was all very confusing and MADE NO IOTA OF SENSE.

Then one day, in a moment of vulnerability and desperation, I started reading a bible that my born again sister had bought me. As I read it, I had an overwhelming sense of peace. It was as if Jesus Christ himself was speaking to me. This happened just after I had been duped and the thieves had convinced me to give them all my step mum’s jewellery (story for another day). I was so lost, scared and confused. The world was a very dark place. I did not know what to do. All I remember is someone asking me to read the psalms and as I read it, the peace of God took over. From reading the psalms, I started to read the New Testament. One verse stuck with me: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28).

It almost felt like Jesus was right there with me, he knew my situation, he knew my helplessness, he knew how broken I was and he was saying to me “give me the problems, I will give you rest”. That was the moment I made a choice, to believe Jesus. I may not understand why anyone would die for me and choose to take my burdens but I chose to take that free gift and I did have rest. Nothing seemed like such a burden anymore, I didn’t feel like such a loser anymore, I wasn’t scared of the consequences anymore because I had laid them all down at the feet of the one who offered rest.

Till today, I can’t tell you how the issue was resolved, I don’t know how my Dad never punished me for being so careless and naïve but it almost felt like there was a shield around me and all that I feared disappeared. I realised that even though It didn’t make sense, the love of God is very real. The real tragedy is rejecting that love simply because it doesn’t make sense.

I don’t know what you are going through today, I don’t know your battle, your fears, your worries, your doubts, your pain, your hopelessness, your disappointments or discouragement but I know the one who can give your REST. His name is Jesus. Cast your burdens on him and he’ll give you his rest.

Have a great week.

I wrote a Book

I wrote a book.

I didn’t want to write this book. I ran from it for as long as I could. I was petrified of sharing the most shameful details of my life with the world. I didn’t want to be called a hypocrite. Acting all Holy when I have done some really shameful things. It is hard to connect the Bolatito who is always talking about God with the one who had two abortions when she was 19 and 20. I definitely didn’t want anyone to know THAT.

I didn’t want anyone to know about the sexual abuse and molestation I experienced as a young girl because they just make me feel so exposed and still ashamed. I didn’t want people to know about my insecurities and my desperation to just be loved and accepted. I spent so long trying to figure out who I was and for years I saw myself as worthless, damaged, broken, ugly, valueless. I was my biggest critic and I was my biggest Judge.

But God is just amazing. Everything I didn’t want to share is what he has healed me from. And as he healed me, he wants to heal others through my story. He wants everyone to know that he is the one who restores completely. The one who can use our biggest mess and turn it into a beautiful message. He wants to set so many people free from the bondage of guilt, shame, bitterness, anger, condemnation and every other negative emotion that has held you bound.

God has shown me that when he loves, he loves completely with an everlasting love and all that I am is in him. He has had to repair all that was broken in me and he has taken away every bit of shame, guilt, brokenness and condemnation. More than anything he has shown me who I am and who he created me to be. In his own image, I am the daughter of a King, I am a QUEEN, I am ROYALTY.

I share my journey of finding self worth, true love and freedom in this book. ROYALTY.

Mr Y’s Testimony

 

 

We rarely think of fertility challenges as being a man’s issue and it always seems to be about the women but the truth is that this is a challenge for the men too especially when you feel completely helpless. Thank you Mr Y for sharing this with us.

When I got married almost 5 years ago, to this nerdy, pretty, loving and smart doctor, the last thing I worried about was having challenges having babies. Thankfully, I’m married to a consultant medical practitioner.. so if there was anything I worried about, it was having enough money to look after my family not having babies. Or so I thought.

So after 12months of being married without getting pregnant, my wife recommended that we see a fertility specialist to ascertain the reason since we were trying to get pregnant. Reluctantly I agreed.

After the medical evaluations, the results confirmed that our chances of having babies via normal conception was quite slim.
I swear this confirmation hit me like a bomb and got me asking myself these questions. Why me? Why us…
You watch it on TV and read about it on the blogs, but you never expect it would happen to you.

Anyway, we realised we had a challenge and no amount of sulking, worrying or crying would change anything. We had to pray and do the needful. So we braced up and went in for an IVF procedure.

We went in really upbeat and determined. We both placed our hopes on God’s words and promises.

IVF is hard work, from the collection procedure to the needles. The long emotionally tasking 2weeks post transfer wait… We prayed it would be worth it. But then, the news came and it failed…

It was hard accepting the news. It broke me watching my wife cry so much that day. She sat on the living room carpet crying her eyes out. She felt it was her fault. Probably something she didn’t do right? How could she not be able to achieve this? She’s a consultant, this is what she was trained to achieve! She helps people get pregnant and she has delivered dozens of babies doing her job.

I tried my best to comfort her and assured her that it was just a year and 6months into our marriage. The babies would come by God’s grace. It wasn’t easy though, I was already 36 and my wife was 31. Secretly I worried too. A lot actually.

It was a crazy period. I recall different pastors coming to visit and praying for us and the varying counsel from family and friends on how to remedy the situation. People who have experienced this challenge can easily relate to this phase

Not to forget the uncouth statements from some friends and colleagues. Statements like..”You Na no go born?? You guys ain’t growing young oh?”

The pressure set in and in another 2 years we had undergone 3 additional failed IVF procedures and millions of hard earned cash spent.

At this point and almost 4 years into married the doctors advised we discussed the option of surrogacy. Didn’t even know they did it in Nigeria…

Anyway at this point I had, had enough and needed to clear my head. So my wife and I went on separate vacations. Just to get closure and me-time. It helped just being away from everyone and everything that reminded us about the baby wahala.

On our return, we promised ourselves we would take a break from the procedure and just heal.

But then we received a call from one of our specialist who was relocating and appealed that we try just one more time.

It was such a confusing period. We had agreed to rest and just live for now. What’s this appeal again?? The weekend after the call, my wife appealed that we should try just for the last time. Reluctantly I agreed …

Mid year 2016, we went in for another procedure, indifferent in our approach which was due to the 4 failed earlier​ attempts.

One week into the egg transplant my wife started complaining of acute abdominal pain and was diagnosed of acute OHSS. Her tummy was swollen from fluid accumulation in her ovaries which had to be drained with a tube. During this period we totally forgot about the the pregnancy matter, I just prayed she got better.

A week after the OHSS treatment she went in for her routine pregnancy test despite the pain and medications. The news came out… We were having a baby.

Baby ke? How? After 4 procedures under the best conditions we didn’t get pregnant. How is this possible?? But yes, our God did it. With a 25% chance of getting pregnant. God showed up.

The excitement was great and equally overwhelming. We couldn’t wait.

3 months into the pregnancy my wife was diagnosed of a threatened miscarriage. But God stepped in.

Between 5-7months, she was hospitalised twice for severe pre-term contractions. And once again God showed up

5 months ago we welcomed our bundle of joy into this world. A bouncing baby boy with all my good genes and his mum’s intuition. I hope.

Watching him grow daily is pure delight. Growing into a healthy, happy and blessed child. Just did a quick glance at him sleeping on my chest as I type in this pretty long write-up..

In all, our God is faithful and true. We just have to believe and trust in Him to direct us. We need to be intuitive to know when to move once he says so …

During our period of wait, the stories on the Lighthouse site really helped build my faith. And so did the mails I exchanged with Tito. God bless you all. I pray my story encourages and blesses someone out there.

Blessings.

Mr. Y.

3 Little Piggys

I was watching Dora the explorer with Joshua the other day and I probably was more interested in the story than he was. As I watched, completely engrossed in the animation, something caught my attention. It was the story of the 3 little piggies that built their various homes with straw, sticks and stones. A particularly mean wolf kept attacking their homes.

One pig built his home with straws, and one day, the wolf breathed strongly on it, wind came out the house came crashing down. Another piggy built his house with sticks, and once again the wolf came along, breath even STRONGER and the house came crashing down. Then there was the 3rd piggy who built his home with rocks and stones. The wolf came, took deep heavy breaths, blew and blew and blew, huffing and puffing but the house remained standing. After several attempts, the wolf gave up and walked away.

It got me thinking about us. What is our foundation? It reminded me of these words:

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” Matthew 7:24-27

I started to think about who we are in Christ and how strong our foundations are. Are we like the piggy who built his house with weak straws and at the sight of the slightest challenge, the house came tumbling down. It couldn’t stand the attack. That is the reality for many of us, we think our foundation is strong but it is when we face real issues and we aren’t able to stand that we go back to God. It is time to check our foundation, spend time with God, with his word, with prayer so that when the enemy comes with his lies, doing what he does, trying to steal, kill and destroy, we can boldly stand upon the solid rock that is Christ. We will not be moved, we will not be shaken just like the little piggy who built his house with rocks.

 

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