The Journey

My son is now 22 months old and it is that age where he really is not big on being patient or sitting in his car seat. Every time we have to go somewhere, I say a prayer first that Joshua won’t get tired of the ride too soon and start crying which would be a distraction for me.

I was not so lucky today.

10 minutes into a 30 minutes journey, my son starts to cry profusely because he just wasn’t feeling the ride anymore. I kept reassuring him that the ride was nearly over but clearly that fell on deaf ears when he started to demand that he wanted to “COME DOWN”.

Let me just confess now that his crying and constant “come down” requests got to me and I heard myself telling him loudly (read: yelling); “YOU CAN NOT COME DOWN NOW. WE HAVE NOT REACHED OUR DESTINATION. YOU HAVE TO BE MORE PATIENT AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU CRY, IT WON’T MAKE US GET TO THE DESTINATION QUICKER”.

As I said those words, I could almost hear the Holy Spirit snicker. The words He said were something like “that is rich coming from you” and I just had to smile.

The truth is that in my relationship with God, I have been my son many times. I have complained profusely about how long some journeys take and I have demanded to get to the destination quicker. I have not cared if it was the right time or the right place, all I have cared about is getting to the destination NOW. And I would find myself crying in frustration because the journey was taking much longer than I expected. I have been so fixated on the destination that the journey frankly was not my cup of tea.

I remember how much I hated being a stay at home mum for over a year because I felt I should be doing MORE. God had led me to leave my job 3 years before so after 4 years of being at home, I felt God should be opening more doors and opportunities. And every time I asked for MORE, I could hear God tell me I was where I was supposed to be and I HATED IT. For a long time, I cried, I complained, I whined but nothing changed because that was part of my journey.

I did not start to appreciate the blessings I had until I stopped focusing on my grand destination and decided to enjoy my journey. The moment I accepted where I was and understood that there was no fast track was when I really started to be at peace in my life. I started to see what a privilege it was/is to enjoy being present for my son and what an incredible blessing it is.

One of the things I do to distract my son when he gets tired is to ask him what he can see from the window. I tell him to look at all the cars. And then I tell him to look at the birds. We sing his favourite songs and we count. I also help him to visualize all the fun things we will do when we get to our destination, we talk about the people we will see, the things we will eat and the games we will play. All of these things help immensely as it forces him to enjoy the journey instead of letting his desperation to reach his destination make him miserable.

I wonder if we can also apply this to our personal lives as we wait for whatever it is we have been waiting for.

  • Enjoy the journey more. Look around you and be grateful for what you see. The daily blessings and the beauty around you. One of my favourite hymns has the words that go “morning by morning, new mercies I see, all I had needed, thy hands have provided” and I choose to enjoy God’s blessings Morning by Morning as I wait.
  • The journey is often just as important as the destination. You are never at one destination for too long and you spend more time on journeys moving to new destinations. (Read stories of Abraham, Isaac, the children of Israel, David).
  • Sing and praise God for where you are. Choose joy and gratitude because no matter how long it takes, you will get to where God has promised you so you might as well enjoy being where you are. (psalm 47:6)
  • Why bother crying? God’s ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts either. We often think maybe if we cry and complain, it’ll change something but just as I told my son; “crying won’t get you to your destination quicker so why bother? (Isaiah 55:8)
  • Prepare for the destination: write the vision down and as you wait to see it physically, you can begin to OWN it spiritually. (Habakuk 2:2)

By the way, an hour after we got to our destination, my son had a new request: ‘LET’S GO’. That is how we are too. Even when we get to our destination, we start thinking of the next thing. After being at home for over 4 years, I wrote and published my own book and then I started to ask God “what next’?

You will get to your destination because God is always faithful and just and he alone knows the plans he has for us (Jeremiah 29:11) and it is left to us to trust that those plans are good with an expected end.

PAUSE.

I should firstly apologise for being so quiet. I got carried away with seemingly more important things. I thought I was justified because I mean I wrote a whole book and I thought I had to focus on selling on the book as another form of doing what I know I have been called to as a ‘Light-Bearer’.

What I didn’t realise is that the book was an assignment that God gave me as an extension of what I have been called to do and it was not meant to stop me from writing and sharing with you. Not only did I write a book that exposes some of my deepest and darkest secrets but I also carried on a lot personally. Then all of a sudden I realised I was emotionally and spiritually exhausted.

I made a very important decision to just STOP. I decided to take a deep breath, Pause and be still in the presence of God. I shut down my social media, decided not to take on any interviews or speaking roles. I needed to take a break from the ‘noise’ just to be SILENT with God.

I have learnt some very important lessons in the last few weeks:

  • It is okay to PAUSE and go QUIET. We are sometimes so focused on “doing” that we don’t take time out to just BE QUIET. Although God gave me very specific instructions about the book, at some point, I completely took over and stopped asking for his guidance and direction and that is when I started to crumble because I was losing clarity and focus. That was the point I realised I need to BE QUIET. I needed to step away from the noise of the crowd and pay attention to the still small voice of God just like Elisha (I Kings 19:11-13). I needed to shut out the world until the loudest voice I heard was God’s voice and not even mine. Sometimes when you are getting overwhelmed, you should consider drowning out the noise so you can hear the only voice that matters, the voice of God.

 

  • I have also learnt that when God gives you an assignment, you have to always ensure that he remains at the forefront of it. “You may make your plans, but God directs your actions” (proverbs 16:9). A lot of times, we start the journey with God and then at some point we start to think we know it all and stop relying on him by making our own plans. I remember going on a trip to an unfamiliar place so I chose to use Google maps because I didn’t want to get lost. But at some point, I decided I knew the directions myself so I started to ignore the voice of the navigation. I ended up quite frustrated and in tears when I got completely lost. It is the same with us, we start with God but we forget that doing anything outside of God’s will can become extremely frustrating and if you are unfortunate you can get quite lost.

 

  • The good thing is that God is still always our very present help (psalm 46). When I stopped using my navigation system and ended up lost, my only solution was to use the navigation system to find my way out of my situation and because I chose to trust it, I ended up at the right destination. This is a computer by the way, so how much more will the Holy Spirit give us the right direction if we get lost and call on him to help us.

 

  • Trust God: When I decided to shut down and just focus on God, I realised that everything would still be fine. I was so scared. I worried that my books will stop selling, people will stop calling me to speak and all sorts of things but I knew my situation was desperate and that frustration I felt in my spirit was the Holy Spirit getting my attention. I decided I would completely trust God and yield to his call. I realise that I can’t go further without him anyway so I might as well take my restlessness to him. This is my go to verse: “he who believes in him will not be disappointed.” (1 Peter 2:4)

I don’t know what your situation is, but when it feels like the noise of the world is drowning you and the joy you once felt is fading away, then it might be time to just PAUSE and BE STILL. Time to turn to your Father to find the peace only he can give. Time to ask more direction and instruction so that you don’t get lost.

Have you Ordered your Copy of my book ROYALTY?

 

I am so excited to have finally published my book ‘Royalty’ and the reviews have left me in awe. This book is so personal to me. I share my biggest fears, doubts, insecurities, shame, guilt and everything I thought I should keep hidden. However because God wants to use every part of our lives, I have poured it all out in this book.

The story of an insecure girl just trying to find her place in this world before realising just how loved and cherished she is by God despite her deepest pains and regrets.

Nigeria’s premiere Life Coach  Lanre Olusola sums it up perfectly with these words;

“It is the diary of a daughter who yearns for a real, pure, enriching, loving, and powerful relationship with her FATHER in spite of her self-blame, fears, limiting beliefs, past mistakes, and decisions in life.”

I have also been humbled by reviews I have received from friends and complete strangers and I see daily that this book is to HEAL others who like me have struggled with various pain, shame, guilt, depression, abuse and insecurities.

For all details on how to get your copy check out the website: www.mylighthouse.com.ng. You can also still buy copies on www.okadabooks.com

Copies are also being shipped for UK readers, please check out my social media pages @titoidakula for details. Send an email to mylighthousetv@gmail.com to get more details.

Thank you so much for your constant words and prayers of encouragement. God bless you.

 

 

Anne’s’s Testimony: A Story of Manifestation

I loveeeee Testimonies and I love this one. I particularly love how specific she was with the job and position she wanted. The power of our declarations is amazing and we should never stop speaking what we want until we see it. Thanks so much ANNE for sharing this!!

 

Hi Tito,

 

Mighty thank you to GOD for your insightful and spirit filled book. Congratulations! 

 

So remember I owed you a mail?

 

Recall we had one long chat in 2016? Where I was talking about things being on a stand still, how the prayer and wait for love was looking like there is no end to it?

 

Anyway, added to all that I had just walked away from a job. I do not think I told you this. It was my first opportunity after NYSC and I learned a whole lot, got exposed, failed a lot but got back up every second. I worked really hard. It was bitter sweet, toxic and demanding. During my first months with every feedback I got everyday, I went to work each morning telling myself “this is the day you get fired”. 

 

Honestly I didn’t believe in myself. My friends and family felt I was doing well, but the affirmation from my work place never came. Anyway, I am used to no compliments. I guess I go after my goals hoping that I would be recognized for who I know I am – resilient, tenacious and very innovative/creative. 

 

I learned the power of association and friendship while I worked there. I made friends I believe GOD sent to me. They would encourage and chastise me and there was never a moment I had to “call back later”. They would leave everything to help me. I remember complaining to one of them after 3 months at work because I really wanted to leave. He said, “Ah, your boss is highly intelligent. If you weren’t doing well she would have fired you by now. So hold on and learn. When it is time to leave even you would not be able to stay”.

 

So I stayed at the job for 3 years and 6 months. It was not easy to leave. I prayed earnestly and was so restless at work that I knew it was time to leave. A lot of things happened in between but it will all be too lengthy to write. My Dad thought I was crazy to leave my job (even though I had found another) and I knew deep in my heart that I would not last at the new place.

 

I knew it was time to leave that job because I was really exhausted and needed time off, but I needed a reason to leave. GOD saw my weakness and sent a job but I heard it in my heart that I wouldn’t be at my new job for long. 

 

My Boss felt I was not being rational to want to work for a place I barely knew but she gave her blessings and reassured me that I could return if it didn’t turn out, as I wanted. So I left. 

 

When I started at the new place, I didn’t feel challenged, it seemed I was a local champion and seriously I still felt the need to ‘rest’. I walked away after 3 months. I handed in my resignation letter and I did not bother to tell anyone about it.

 

I had no plan, or saved finances because I had slaved away at a job that did not pay good money but I was full of experience and dreams. I learned I would be paid gratuity from the first place and tried to lean on it but it didn’t come at the time and soon I got really broke. 

 

I went for that retreat we talked about and mehn, My life has not been the same. It changed for good!! It was like a vacation with GOD. I didn’t want to leave the facility I lodged in but had to (Money was running out. Lol). 

 

Well, I decided to publish a book. Where the money would come from, I had no idea but I worked on it anyways. In 3 months I collated all the stories I had in my laptop and was ready. Then I summoned courage to pursue my gratuity and like a dream it came just when I made up my mind to go ahead to publish. Now this decision seemed crazy, because this girl doesn’t have money, now she has some and wants to publish a book? 

 

Phew, I must have been jazzed.

 

I did publish the book and recovered my costs but all the expenses I had incurred during my broke times swept it and soon I was nearing 0. 

 

Anyway all through this time, I leeched on highflyers for mentorship, prayed, served at church, had time for family, read a lot (also was studying for an MBA) and I got a contract to consult for 3 months (although it was not steady). I met amazing people, started off a community Online that is growing, I went for free conferences and symposiums/workshops. My network grew, I got stipends from freelance jobs, a friend who is now family was so helpful and then funds came in from the proceeds of my book. I lived with my Parents and siblings so no headaches about rent and food. 

 

Oh I had plenty of rest!!! The freedom was amazing, even without money! Lol. I had learned to leave my needs to GOD because HE always goes ahead of me. 

 

I wasn’t applying for jobs because I didn’t feel ready at all, but in October 2017 I felt ready. I told GOD I enjoyed the period of rest and now needed a very good job that would give me peace. 

 

Before all of these experiences, I always dreamed of 3 places to work and any time I passed the buildings, I would say in my heart or to anyone with me “I would work here someday”. I then went on to tell them the other two options and the exact position I wanted to occupy. People laughed at me and said such places were hard to get, taking into consideration the fact that their vacancies weren’t made public and even if you applied, you rarely got a response

 

I never took their words for anything. Never. You see I have never applied for work. I get offers but I turn them down. Back at school, I remember telling GOD with so much pain; “after all my hard work I didn’t get the grade I wanted! It means I don’t need this result. I would not look for work!”

 

So really it has never come into my mind that I would be in need of a job. I always keep myself ‘busy’ by doing something. (I also make clothes but deliberately didn’t do any during this period of ‘rest’. I really felt GOD telling me to chill). 

 

So back to October, I told GOD that the consultancy would soon end (and was not stable anyway) and that it was time for a good stable job. In as much as I had it in me to be on my own, I had studied myself and saw gaps that needed active development to fill them.  I needed more experience to build more capacity. And so I started applying for jobs. I almost got one but it did not work out and my first place of work offered me my job back but I didn’t take it. 

 

One night I laid on my bed, crying, wondering if I cursed myself (by saying I wouldn’t look for work) because it seemed I was running in circles. I was upset at being broke and also not having a man in my life. I felt that at least one should work (lmao!), because in my mind, something has to take one’s time and if it isn’t a thriving career then perhaps building a family or relationship. I had none. 

 

As I thought of my life, my phone beeped. It was a mail from my friend. It read “oya apply!”.

I opened the attachment and Lo and behold! It was a vacancy at one of the organisations I had always wanted to work with. And what was most shocking was that the job description and requirements seemed to describe ME! In fact, my friend said: “I read it and all I could think of was you. That is you they described. You can do the job”. 

 

I checked the deadline and it had past. I called him and he said “open the form and read to the end it hasn’t lapsed”. I checked again and saw it was going to lapse in 2 weeks. Omo! I cleaned my eyes o!

 

I filled that form that night and kept it for 3 days. Why? To pray over the application, tell GOD about it (I really wanted to stop running ahead of HIM and pulling HIM along). Also, I wanted to re-read my application and giving some days’ interval always helps to address your mistakes. So on the 3rd day, a Monday morning I sent it. 

 

Life continued, and the pangs of under achievement hit me again. It got so bad, that one afternoon I cried aloud and told GOD (paraphrased) “see I am tired o! Tired of praying. What have I done so bad that you are punishing me like this??? I am 30 with nothing! Nothing. As in, if anything happens I don’t even have savings. How did I get here? Give me a second chance. I am tired, I cannot pray, no words, I have said and prayed all I know. Yes I would tell about your awesomeness perhaps the people I would tell will please you better than I ever can, but as for me I am tired”. I cried to sleep and the rest of the day was a blur. 

 

The next morning, I went through my mails and saw “invitation for interview”. Tito! I jumped out of my bed, completely stunned and I felt goose bumps all over. The Organisation invited me o! Hmmm…I thanked GOD in advance! I even sent Nathaniel Bassey my testimony in advance. I did all this even in the midst of fear but I chose to hold on to my tiny faith left. 

 

Interview day came, woah! See over qualified people. Out of the 1000s of applications only 5 of us were selected to this stage. I shook in my shoes but put up a courageous front. The interviews were in 3 stages. There was a stage where all applicants had to face each other, which was a brutal stage but oh well. 

 

During the one on ones I felt so nervous and stammered sef. Hmmm, I got home (I think I went to Church first and thanked GOD for victory) and when everyone asked how it went, I just told them it went well. 

 

As days rolled by I experienced great attacks on my faith. All the answers I should have given the interviewers swam through my head. I wondered and wondered. Well I later left it at GOD’S feet and when the fear pangs come I would just hold on to a scripture. 

 

On December 1, 2017, I was away from home concluding the consultancy job and people were wishing me“happy new month” but I felt nothing. What’s new? Lol. GOD was yet to answer (or rather manifest HIS answers because he always answers). I even cried and didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. Then my phone rang… Tito (tears are even gathering now) I GOT THE JOB!!!!! I ran to my colleague’s room shaking. As she opened her door I collapsed in her hands and wept like a child. Serious wails! I have never experienced such a feeling and it came from within. My whole body shook and I felt so cold. 

 

GOD gave me a custom made, factory fitted Miracle! GOD! At a place I always wanted with a position I wanted as well. THE EXACT POSITION!

 

I have been in awe. Now, looking back I see it wasn’t so much about the job. It was about the fact that I felt GOD had left me and I just needed a lifeline to prove that HE was working on my petitions. 

 

HE gave me the luxury of a year of rest and development, built me up (replacing layers of me that were worn out lol. Painful. Like gold passing through fire. I cannot describe how difficult and sweet the year was) and then right on time HE handed me a dream. 

 

I am not in a relationship yet. I am 31, but you see GOD who gave me this Miracle job o, is about to present me to my factory fitted husband. Every disappointment I experienced is worth the victory I see at the front. Yes I feel the pangs of yearning for a spouse I am yet to see or know where he will come from. 

 

However, I am a child of a GOD who goes ahead of me.

YOU ARE INVITED TO MY BOOK LAUNCH

It’ll be great to see you at the launch of my first book: “Royalty”. It is still available on okadabooks.com for free but not for much longer.

God has been so faithful. You might have started this journey with me when I started this blog or maybe you just discovered this blog but I am so grateful to you for every word of encouragement or positive vibes you sent my way.

I have always known my calling to be a light-bearer and to be a source of light when the world gets overwhelmingly dark. This book is another way through which God allows me to do this and it is a privilege.

 

I have to much to share on Sunday and I can’t wait to see you.

 

Please register here: http://mylighthouse.com.ng/event/

We require registration to make sure we plan properly.

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