I should firstly apologise for being so quiet. I got carried away with seemingly more important things. I thought I was justified because I mean I wrote a whole book and I thought I had to focus on selling on the book as another form of doing what I know I have been called to as a ‘Light-Bearer’.
What I didn’t realise is that the book was an assignment that God gave me as an extension of what I have been called to do and it was not meant to stop me from writing and sharing with you. Not only did I write a book that exposes some of my deepest and darkest secrets but I also carried on a lot personally. Then all of a sudden I realised I was emotionally and spiritually exhausted.
I made a very important decision to just STOP. I decided to take a deep breath, Pause and be still in the presence of God. I shut down my social media, decided not to take on any interviews or speaking roles. I needed to take a break from the ‘noise’ just to be SILENT with God.
I have learnt some very important lessons in the last few weeks:
- It is okay to PAUSE and go QUIET. We are sometimes so focused on “doing” that we don’t take time out to just BE QUIET. Although God gave me very specific instructions about the book, at some point, I completely took over and stopped asking for his guidance and direction and that is when I started to crumble because I was losing clarity and focus. That was the point I realised I need to BE QUIET. I needed to step away from the noise of the crowd and pay attention to the still small voice of God just like Elisha (I Kings 19:11-13). I needed to shut out the world until the loudest voice I heard was God’s voice and not even mine. Sometimes when you are getting overwhelmed, you should consider drowning out the noise so you can hear the only voice that matters, the voice of God.
- I have also learnt that when God gives you an assignment, you have to always ensure that he remains at the forefront of it. “You may make your plans, but God directs your actions” (proverbs 16:9). A lot of times, we start the journey with God and then at some point we start to think we know it all and stop relying on him by making our own plans. I remember going on a trip to an unfamiliar place so I chose to use Google maps because I didn’t want to get lost. But at some point, I decided I knew the directions myself so I started to ignore the voice of the navigation. I ended up quite frustrated and in tears when I got completely lost. It is the same with us, we start with God but we forget that doing anything outside of God’s will can become extremely frustrating and if you are unfortunate you can get quite lost.
- The good thing is that God is still always our very present help (psalm 46). When I stopped using my navigation system and ended up lost, my only solution was to use the navigation system to find my way out of my situation and because I chose to trust it, I ended up at the right destination. This is a computer by the way, so how much more will the Holy Spirit give us the right direction if we get lost and call on him to help us.
- Trust God: When I decided to shut down and just focus on God, I realised that everything would still be fine. I was so scared. I worried that my books will stop selling, people will stop calling me to speak and all sorts of things but I knew my situation was desperate and that frustration I felt in my spirit was the Holy Spirit getting my attention. I decided I would completely trust God and yield to his call. I realise that I can’t go further without him anyway so I might as well take my restlessness to him. This is my go to verse: “he who believes in him will not be disappointed.” (1 Peter 2:4)
I don’t know what your situation is, but when it feels like the noise of the world is drowning you and the joy you once felt is fading away, then it might be time to just PAUSE and BE STILL. Time to turn to your Father to find the peace only he can give. Time to ask more direction and instruction so that you don’t get lost.