I sometimes worry that I am not expressing myself enough. This is one topic I really really hope someone is encouraged by. I hope this sets you free from the burden of guilt and shame you have been under. I hope you understand that Christ died to set you free and it is not by your works that god blesses you but by his grace. I hope you know that God sees you way better than you see yourself and he has given you right standing with himself so STOP beating yourself up. Enjoy his love and accept the freedom it comes with.
I used to be a bit of a wild child. If anyone went to Uni with me or knew me then, they’ll confirm this. Being a wild child of course came with consequences I won’t even begin to get into. I recently bumped into someone who knew me from my university days and his words were: “you have really changed o, you seem to be like a mother Theresa these days” and I knew he didn’t mean it as a compliment. I was a bit offended to be honest but in hindsight, I can say he was right, I have really changed. Knowing God has changed me completely, there is more to live for, more focus and more purpose and I am so proud of that change.
As I said before I was a wild one and with that came a lot of decisions and activities that still plague me every day. It seems no matter how much I know God has forgiven me, somewhere deep inside of me, I worry that I am still paying for my past sins. I would sometimes pray and wonder if that particular prayer deserved answering because of who I used to be. Then let us not talk about foundations as well because that one is a whole other book. I come from a polygamous background, my dad is muslim, my mum goes to a white garment church. You do the math.
So mix up all of these things and I had a few nagging questions and fears that sometimes made me wonder if I was in right standing with God and if I was truly worthy to approach his presence. The devil used these things to hold me bound and no matter how much I felt I was growing spiritually and in faith, he would just bring up something I had done and use that to unravel everything I was trying to attain. TRUST ME, I know God’s word. I know Christ died for us and the blood of Jesus has washed away my sins but in the battle of the mind I will confess that I am not sure if I was always winning. When those nagging fears and doubts crept in, I would speak God’s word back but sometimes I didn’t believe them. I can’t tell you how many times the devil would remind me of something I did and I would start asking God for forgiveness for the millionth time (obvious exaggeration here)
Today, God set me FREE!!!! It is so important to spend time with God’s word while asking the Holy Spirit to make it personal for you. God gave me a word that was FOR ME. It was not a verse I hadn’t read before, on the contrary I have read it many times but somehow today, it was like I was seeing it for the first time and BELIEVING it for the first time. Romans 8:28-31:
“ And we know that God causes everything to work together [m for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.29 For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn [n] among many brothers and sisters.30 And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.
Today I heard the Holy spirit say to me SO CLEARLY: God chose you, you didn’t choose him but he chose you. He called you to come to him and because he called you, he gave you right standing with him.
Right standing essentially means being righteous. I have FINALLY understood that I AM FREE from every mistake I made. Every foundation I come from. I am SO FREE because the moment God called me, he gave me right standing. This means NOTHING the enemy (YES THE devil) would try to do to make me doubt who I am as God’s daughter can work against me. Sometimes when I prayed, I would worry that my prayer might not be answered because of something I might have done or something from my foundation. I would speak God’s promises and I would wonder if I really had a right to those promises because of my sins and struggles. If I prayed and didn’t get an answer, the devil would immediately remind me that I didn’t deserve one because I am a sinner and remind me of the things I would rather forget.
I realised for the first time really that because God chose me and called me, he gave me right standing with him. This means that when I approach God in prayer, I can approach him freely without fear or doubt because he has given me right standing before him. It means nothing I did can get in the way of his love for me and in him hearing me. This is not because of ME but because HE CALLED ME. It also made me realise that NOTHING I do makes me righteous, ONLY THE BLOOD OF JESUS. Christ has died and it is his blood that enables me to approach God’s throne of grace, I don’t actually just go as Bolatito, I go covered by the blood of Jesus.
I know someone who felt she deserved to lose her baby because she once had an abortion. No matter how many times I tried to explain to her that God forgave her a long time ago and satan was the one using her past sin against her, I could never get through. She said to me she doesn’t feel happy in her life despite having a great job, being married and having kids. The guilt of that abortion continues to plague her and weigh her down. I KNOW there are many people who share her sentiments based on past experiences but I want you to know, the moment you gave your life to Christ, you were set free from every negative experience you have had.
Now let me tell you the best part as written in Romans 8:31-39:
If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.
35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”[o]) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[p] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This promise is yours, REST IN IT and enjoy the love that God so freely gives to you