Pulling Me Through: Faith through Loss

Something I am learming is that things won’t always go our way. We will be tested but at the end of the test can we say we truly love God and believe he loves us too? This testimony is going to push you a little. You will have questions and you probably won’t get answers. But there is a scripture that comes to mind:  8“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. 9“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8). 

Satan would test you. He’ll lie, kill and destroy which is his job but these words from our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ should comfort you:  And the Lord said,[c] “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. 32 But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.”(Luke 23:31-32)

Thank you so much to our lovely Mrs O. for sharing this. Please check out her blog and share words of encouragement and love to her. Can’t wait for us to read about your baby and what God does through and in you. 


“Through all I have gone through, Lord it was you – 2x
It was you, pulling me through, It was you, Lord it was you pulling me through”

That is the opening verse of a song that pulled me through while I was passing through. My heart is so heavy as I type this and sincerely I do not even know where to start from but because I promised God that I would share this testimony and though it did not turn out the way I wanted it to, I still owe God this vow.

Most of my readers know that I have been TTC, in fact we were on our third year when miraculously God answered us in May, it was as if I was dreaming when I woke up by 6am that Sunday morning and carried out the HPT and saw those two red lines, it was so surreal I had to wake Mr. T up to confirm that I wasn’t seeing double. Well I wasn’t, it was indeed a positive pregnancy test. AH! Finally God had answered us, I was filled with love for the child already. Imagine the way we felt when we went for the first scan and saw the tiny heartbeat blinking on the screen. I just couldn’t believe it!

Well my first trimester was practically blissful, I was still going to work, still cooking, still myself never the less, I had very slight morning sickness, it was pretty much a textbook first trimester, I was so excited when I passed the first trimester because that was usually the scary part of being pregnant, so you can only imagine my shock when I woke up on the 25th of August, to a pool of liquid, it was like water mixed with blood. I called my doctors and they called me in for a scan immediately. I got to the hospital still smiling only to be given the worst news of my life, I had ruptured membranes at just 14 weeks plus!!! I was speechless, my doctors termed it an incomplete abortion and asked us to evacuate the pregnancy which Mr. T bluntly refused. God gave us this one and if He wanted to take it away then it was up to Him but we were not going to evacuate a child who still had a heartbeat. They sent us home asking us to remain on strict bed rest to see if the fluid will return or if the membrane will seal up by itself, they were hoping we would return soon complaining of pains and then the baby will abort itself.

We went home filled with tears in our eyes, I kept asking God what was the reward of my service in his vineyard, all my years of toil in His vineyard, I was like why do the righteous suffer? I had waited for this child and now that the child was here, the child is still being taken away from us. We prayed, we cried, we had vigils, we called on parents, friends, pastors and department members to pray for us. This began another 14 weeks of one problem to another, I was on strict bed rest only allowed to go to the hospital every week to scan and check progress. I kept on leaking this fluid even on the bed, the fluid kept replenishing but the membrane never sealed so it kept leaking but the miracle was this, the baby had still not aborted instead the baby was growing as expected, every week there was growth and development according to the week.

We were happy, grateful and all that God was disappointing the doctors, even the doctors were surprised, they called the child a ‘miracle child’, this encouraged them to keep working with us, I remember one doctor kept on shouting that it was impossible for the child to still be awake after rupturing membrane since 14 weeks, he particularly said I did not know what was wrong with me and it wasn’t the fluid I had been leaking, one doctor called me a woman of faith, another doctor told me that I had defied medical science and had written my own medical textbook. I was so happy knowing that God was trying to prove a point, I had started arranging how I was going to give the testimony in church and at the camp, proving the doctors that told us to evacuate wrong. It got to a point that blood started coming out too like I was on my regular monthly period, but the doctors kept saying it was normal with the severe leaking that was going on. Every time I prayed, I heard God assuring me that He knew what He was doing, in fact He told me expressly to “Fear not, He would be with me even up till the very end” He also said “Stand still and know that I am God” So I was assured that He was in control and that this was going to be a miracle that would astonish the world.

I had become a regular patient moving from one hospital to another, I had started sleeping on different hospital beds, I had a serious fear for needles but I tell you that during this period, needles became my best friend. Well to cut the long story short, on the 4th of December, 2016 when we were about 29 weeks and 2 days, I started having contractions all through the night and by morning of the 5th, I was wheeled to the theatre for an emergency c-section and there our baby girl was born!!! Imagine the joy of Mr. O and my parents who were waiting outside. She was born by 9:30am weighing about 1.2kg at just 29weeks, well I never got to see her or hold her again after the time I saw her in the theatre because she was rushed into an incubator to help her breathing, until I heard that she had gone back to Heaven on the same day by 4:00pm.

Well I cannot explain the frame of mind I was in when I heard this, I thought about how we had developed a pattern, how I knew she was a girl already (because God had shown her to me and given me a name for her) and how Mr. O didn’t believe me, how I knew when she was asleep and when she was awake, how she kicked whenever I played music close to her ears or when I put bright light in front of her, how she kicked with so much vigour when she wanted me to change the position I was sleeping in, how she hiccupped every morning….I could go on and on but I felt empty! I was wondering where she had gone, I wanted her to come back and just stay inside me and not come out to this world, I just couldn’t understand! I asked questions, I blamed myself for not listening to the doctors when they asked us to evacuate, I blamed myself for holding on to faith. Nobody could understand how I felt, they kept asking me not to cry and not to think about it, they told me all sorts of testimonies about people who had gone through something similar but are smiling today, I listened and just nodded because I knew that it was only God who was going to help me through this, He was the only one who could pull me through just like how He had done in the past.

I found it difficult to pray but I got on my knees one morning and poured my heart out to God, I didn’t ask for explanation of all the promises He had assured me with when I doubted, I didn’t complain, I just poured out my heart and asked the Holy Spirit to heal me in His own way and He did. I am not there yet because I still think about it and shed a tear or two but I am getting there. One scripture that kept playing in my mind through out this period was Psalm 34:19 “Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivereth them out of it all” and John 16:33 “ I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world”. Which simply means that this world is filled with afflictions, trouble, trials and tribulations but we know we have a Father who will always deliver us out of it all. I now saw the reason why He told me at the beginning of the pregnancy that I should Fear not, He would be with me even up till the very end, meaning He had seen the end and knew that I would need His strength not to lose my senses or be afraid.

I still do not know why He made me go through it all but I know He has a reason which is yet to be revealed, I know the devil wanted me to say there is no God, he wanted to take my life but God showed up for me, so this is me giving thanks to God because He said in all things we should give thanks, I thank Him for sparing my life, I thank Him for the wonderful experience of being able to carry a child, I thank Him because I am no longer considered barren, I thank God I am still standing in faith and that I have not fallen out of the race, I thank God for the opportunity to share this story to build someone’s faith and tell you to trust God even when it seems like its not going the way you wanted because you cannot see the battles He is fighting for your life, I thank God for Mr T’s strength and love before, during and after this period, I thank God for friends and families who stood in faith with me and prayed for a miracle, I tell you that a miracle happened and that miracle is ME, that I am alive is a miracle, I thank God that I was surrounded by love and I was not alone during this period because it helped it in my pulling through…

Pregnancy is a very beautiful experience and I pray that all women TTC will experience this and carry their children home too in Jesus name. So I guess this explains my prolonged silence, I didn’t want to be away, if I had my way I would keeping blogging and sharing the word with you beautiful ladies but I just couldn’t but I am back now, better and stronger with new and interesting topics as laid in my spirit by the Holy Spirit. I apologise to those who sent mails that I couldn’t reply and I appreciate those who took out time to check up on me and those who didn’t because I know you had me in your mind, I appreciate you all.

Beautiful Proverbs 31 Women and Ladies, welcome to 2017!!!! Our year of Pleasant surprises and rewards for faith and service…..

It’s our year! I tell you I can already see a rainbow at the end of the storm….Smile and thank God always.

I would also recommend that you beautiful ladies listen to the full song, its “Pulling me through by Todd Dulaney”, every lyric of that song is powerful and explains the things I have not been able to say, I know it will bless you too in Jesus name.

I love you all….

Mrs. O