Last night I was a bit disappointed about certain things. Someone I am close to had unknowingly upset me. I can’t even pinpoint what they did exactly but I felt myself grow bitter in my spirit. Various thoughts kept building and I was fueling them. I imagined “pay back” scenarios just to SHOW this person how it felt to be in my shoes.
BUT….Thank God for the Holy Spirit who is always speaking. As I kept building layer upon layer of negative thoughts, the Holy Spirit interrupted me with a painful truth: I was the author and finisher of these thoughts in my head and I was not guarding my heart (proverbs 4:23). I was creating the perfect opportunity to destroy a relationship that was of great importance to me. Immediately the Holy Spirit reminded me that “The joy of the Lord is my strength” and that Christ has given me peace beyond human comprehension and not as the world gives. With these verses I started to take back my emotions and take back control and find my joy. I started to thank God for my friend, I thanked God for all that the person means to me, I thanked God for blessing me with such an awesome relationship. I just kept on thanking God.
Then I started singing: “great are you Lord” and before I knew it I was praying in the spirit. As I prayed, the words that came tumbling from my lips were: “change me Lord, make me a better person, make me the person that really represents you in every way”. I started to ask God to let me embody what true love REALLY is. Through this experience, God chose to illuminate my Character and showed me that I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO.
This is a very hard truth to accept but a lot of conflict can be avoided if we are humble and honest enough to accept our own weaknesses and the part we play. If we surrender our minds, spirit and soul to the power of the Holy Spirit so that we can genuinely represent Christ, we won’t easily succumb to so many of the negative emotions that seem to rule our lives. We will also be quick to forgive and let go of offences that people did not apologise for and it won’t matter whether or not they ask for forgiveness because we will love with the love of Christ.
I remember meeting someone who wanted a favor from me. It was in the first trimester of my pregnancy and what she was asking for was REALLY inconvenient, especially for a hormonal pregnant woman. I hate to admit it but I was completely ungracious and to some extent I can try to justify my bad behaviour. She had made certain statements that rubbed me the wrong way and if you know me, you’ll know I don’t have time for NONSENSE (lol).
Hindsight is a powerful thing though, because I can now see the impression of myself that I painted. I clearly wasn’t emulating the Christ I always seemed to talk about. I can also imagine that my attitude destroyed a potential friendship before it even started. Unfortunately I can’t go back now and explain that I was pregnant and cranky so her opinion about me isn’t going to change unless I am given another opportunity to change it. Not only that, I am pretty sure she would have shared with others how horrible her experience with me was and I won’t be there to defend myself.
So today, I am reflecting on my Character. Am I REALLY representing God? God is love but If you took the definition of love in 1 Cor 13: 4-7) and replaced the word love with MY name, will I be able to say I truly express the love of Christ? Am I always Patient and Kind? Can I say I am not a jealous, boastful and proud person? I know I can be rude sometimes, so once again; epic fail. I get irritated often and in terms of not keeping record of being wronged, I hang my face in shame as I still remember things people did to me when I was 5 years old. Clearly I have a long way to go.
The truth is that before I can achieve certain things in my life, before God can project me to greater heights, I need to GROW in character. I also know that this is not something I can do by my power but I have to surrender all that I am to the Holy Spirit so I can FULLY live in the greatness that God has called me to. I am also aware that I have to truly guard my heart because EVERYTHING flows from it (prov 4:23) so what I meditate on has a strong correlation with my character.
Today, I am surrendering myself to the holy spirit so that I can genuinely live as Christ would want. I am also going to work on guarding my heart by focusing on what is true, and honourable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable (phil 4:8). What about you? What do you think you can do better? What do you need to change about yourself? Join me by asking the Holy Spirit to reveal the flaws in your character that could be creating limitations in your life and then invite him to change you.
This song comes to mind: “Purify my heart, let me be as gold and precious silver”
Have a great day.