I received this email from Hadassah (not her real name) in July 2015. I am going to share her testimony but first I will share some of her emails before the final one with the testimony in order to show how bad the situation got. I believe her story will truly show God as a God of restoration. We often get frustrated with God and we sometimes give up on him but the truth is that no matter how bad the situation is, God can fix it.
P.S I asked for Hadassah’s consent before sharing this and she gave me full permission to share this although we chose to change her name. She wants to encourage others with her testimony which is really what is most important. I have also included my reply to her email although I am not even sure why, maybe I just feel it could bless someone.
From Hadassah on 16th of July 2015
Hello Tito, you don’t know me but I’ve met you about 2 times or so in ……’s house. I read your story and was moved to reach out just to let you know that if not for anything else you have inspired someone out here to move closer to God.
I can’t imagine the pain of loosing a child! I’ve been blessed with 2 beautiful girls and I won’t lie I’ve taken the privilege for granted like it’s my right to carry and birth my kids and not give any credit to the maker and the person that gave me the grace to be called a mother. I don’t know why I feel the urge to open up to you and share my own story but it feels like it’s your strength I need.
I know our issues are not the same and the circumstances are different but when you wrote how even in loss and pain you and your husband can find comfort in each other and it can even bring you closer is nothing short of an inspiration. I’ve been contemplating and planning how to carry the kids and leave my marriage because tired and frustrated is not even close to how I feel. We come from a culture that immortalizes men and tells the woman to be quiet and patient but to what end?
Unhappiness is such a way of life now that I don’t even recognize what being in a happy marriage feels like or having the love and care of a person I vowed the rest of my life to. I’ve been told to pray and to be very honest I can’t bring myself to, not because I doubt God or I don’t believe in him but I just can’t seem to bring myself to carry my bible or sit down and pray and then I read your story and I’m like if you can praise God seconds after you’ve lost your child then who am I not to give my father praise in the midst of problems.
Thank you for sharing your story. You have touched lives and God will touch you! You will never ever cry over loss or lack. God will heal you and grant you your heart desires.
God bless you Tito!
From Tito on 17th of July 2016.
I definitely remember you, I remember thinking you reminded me of myself, just bubbly as I see myself. lol
First off, Thanks so much for this email. I have received quite a few emails and as I sat down to reply, yours was top of my list. I am thankful for your kind words regarding my experience. I just loved what you wrote about your beautiful girls, because its really a privilege o!!! God blesses us with kids that are really his and we are just temporary keepers. It truly is a privilege o!!!
Secondly, thank you so much for sharing such private thoughts with me. I take your confidentiality very seriously and trust me this remains between you and I and God!!! I am actually humbled if nothing else. Our issues are different but that is the whole point of this calling God has given me, we are all dealing with various issues and we need to support each other. That is why www.mylighthouse.com.ng was built in the first place.
Marriage can be challenging for even the most together couples, the difference depends on how committed both parties are to each other. If you know why you got married to this person, God will always help you through whatever challenges.
I know people have said pray and carry bible but let me put it another way. Don’t see it as religion, let us work on relationship. God is your best friend; the bible is a love letter to you to remind you of how much he loves you. So when you pick up that bible, don’t pick it up because you have one issue or the other, but because you want to just know God more. Just to enjoy him, nothing technical, and it can be just one verse but God always speaks to us through his word, so the more you read the more you’ll hear him speak. Just open any page of your bible and READ (a physical bible is probably more ideal for this).
Regarding prayer, gist with God the way you gist with your best friends. Tell him in pure, simple and honest words how you really feel and then tell him what you really want. In a MasterLife course I did in Church (its basically about building a relationship with God and making him master of your life), I learnt to write to God. This was one of the most freeing things EVER! At times when I could not pray the way we have been taught to pray, I just got a notebook and wrote him letters beginning with ‘Dear Dad’. I am not a literary genius so I wrote the way I talked and I would just pour it out to him and I always felt so free after and so connected to God. What has happened as a result of this is that I have gone back to letters I wrote and seen clearly that God heard my prayers. Please don’t think about praying and reading the bible the way we have made it, its all about connecting to God!
I was going to ask you, what do you actually want from your marriage, what do you want your husband to be and what is your role in all of this? Can I suggest that you get a pen and notebook (not paper so you don’t lose it) and write what your marriage is now on one page and what you want it to be on the other. Then please rip apart the negative paper and focus on the positive. And start declaring those words. I write from a spiritual place and that is what my spirit is telling me to tell you. I think we should focus on you first before your husband or the marriage sef. Its time for you to let go of everything he has done and start afresh. My life Coach always says we have to begin from a place of forgiveness. So Hadassah I ask you to forgive him, forgive yourself and forgive God! let us start afresh.
You know the bible says: “seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and ALL these things shall be added unto you”- Matthew 6:33. Before Jesus said this he had put things into context and he was saying we are so busy worrying about every other thing and we forget that God knows what we need. But instead of us focusing on our needs, let us focus on the provider. Are you open to start working on you all over again? working on forgiveness and starting that journey? Yes I know he hurt you so bad but God can heal us of any wound (Google Tina Campbell from Mary Mary and her husband’s story). It is not for you to know the hows and the whens and the buts. All you have to know is the WHO and that is all you need.
I have to do a post on the MasterLife program I did in church prior to this and how through it I got to know God on such an intimate level and it is that relationship that saved me when our daughter died. My husband recently started and everyday he says how it changes your life completely. It takes all the focus from you and it gives you a new perspective on who God is! Once you start rebuilding that relationship with God, EVERYTHING else would fall into place.
I am so so sorry for my crazy long email but I knew I needed to do this. I probably would have preferred a face-to-face chat over a drink or something but it can be tedious to plan such things so I just wrote as the spirit led. God is saying he is the God of restoration, he can do ANYTHING! But first “seek me first”. So my darling let us start with that. Happiness comes from God and his joy truly gives strength (I have lived it so I know its true).
Please email me or even Call if you have more questions. This is exactly why I am here and why God put me here.
P.S The only instance in which I wouldn’t plead restoration might be physical abuse that is NEVER okay. That is not how God has instructed husbands to act and I never heard of any man in the bible abusing his wife anyway. So if that is the case I will appeal for forgiveness but it might be time to leave.