Naa contacted me and asked if she could share on my blog and of course as always I was excited and said Yes. Naa and I have similar experiences in some ways. Losing a child is incredibly heart wrenching and every time I speak to someone who has experienced this, I ache in my heart. More importantly for me though is how these people get back up, how they choose to respond and how they step up in faith. It is TRULY a beautiful sight to behold and Naa is one of such people. She has an AWESOME blog: www.herecomesrainbow.blogspot.com and she will also be guest blogging on this site as well. YAYYYY!!!
Please check out her blog as she writes in a way that makes you feel automatically connected to her. So please show her lots of love. Thanks Naa for reaching out and giving me this honour. I know this journey hasn’t been easy but I also know this God is faithful and he is watching and so proud. Thank you!
„I wasn’t in pain, I was in purpose“- Tera Carissa
Ever looked back at the story of your life and said to yourself “God kept me?” That is the story of my life. My name is Naa Kaay and I am the wife of the most amazing man God ever created.
Looking back, I can now see how God handpicked this man just for me. I first saw my husband in 2005 when I was in my first year in university and he was in his last year. He was my best friend’s big brother’s best friend but sadly he never saw me and I never got to know his name. He was quickly forgotten as he became one of those nameless faces we meet every day. In 2012, our paths crossed again when my cousin gave me his number so I could get certain information I needed from him. One phone call led to another and a friendship was born. In May 2012, we met for a random lunch date so we could put a face to the other voice on the line. I walked out of the first date knowing that he was going to be my husband and on 9th November 2013, that dream became a reality and I went home to live life with my best friend.
I remember having a private dinner with my husband after our wedding reception and telling him how I wanted kids as soon as possible. I was one of those girls who wanted their first babies to be made on their wedding night so I could say, God favoured me! But life had other plans.
In July 2014, we decided to take our baby making plans seriously. We prayed hard that, that would be our month and it was! It was the most amazing times of our lives. I remember waking my husband up at 2a.m to tell him he was going to be a dad. He looked straight at me and said “God has been good to us”, I remember how he prayed for his baby every night before we slept, I remember how he sowed seeds for his baby every time we were in church and I was proud of myself for choosing such an amazing father for my kids. .Then on 3rd February 2015, when I was 27+3 weeks pregnant, our dream was cut short, my water broke, hubby rushed me to the hospital, baby had no heartbeat and labour was induced. After what seemed like an eternity (though I learnt I labored for about 3 hours, 30 minutes), our beautiful baby girl was born straight into heaven.
The girl we had prayed for, received so many prophesies about, sowed seeds for and planned for never breathed. She never looked into my eyes; I never got a chance to hold her and my husband, instead of cuddling his girl, made plans to have her body disposed off. The body was put in a card box and sent off like she didn’t matter and I was broken.
For two weeks, I laid in the darkness of my room just wishing I could die too. My pain was intensified when my milk came in and I had no baby to feed. People looked at me like I was cursed and in fact, I felt like I was cursed. For two weeks, I wanted God to take me to heaven too so I could be with my princess but God had other plans for my life.
Whilst lying in bed for those two weeks, I kept asking God why? Why us? Why did we have to have our hearts so broken? Why did we have to grieve instead of celebrate? Are we not Christian enough? Are we such awful sinners that we deserved such a punishment? But in my grief, God just kept whispering “You are birthing my purpose.” The more that voice kept whispering in my ears, the angrier I got. Was God’s purpose for my husband and me to grieve a daughter we will never know?
My faith had been shaken. In fact, that was the worst shaking my faith had ever received since I gave my life to Christ in November 2008. This was the biggest challenge of my Christian life and all God wanted me to know was that “I was birthing His Purpose?”
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I kept looking into my bible for answers. I kept trying to not feel like a curse and for the first few weeks, even my bible could not console me. Then one morning, whilst doing my morning devotion, I meditated on Romans 8:28 “For we know that ALL things will work together for the good of them that love the Lord and are called together for His purpose” I then asked myself whether I loved the Lord, my answer was a big yes and I knew this one too will work for my good.
I often do not see the purpose my pain is supposed to birth in me. I often do not see the path my Lord is leading me to but I know this for a fact, my faith has never been stronger, I have not had a bigger desire to make it to heaven and I have never wanted to forge a closer relationship with my Lord than when my princess went to be with Him. There have been days where I thought my faith will die at the fire of this trial but He keeps me going and He keeps making my path clearer
Telling my story now reminds me of how God has held me. How He knows the way He takes. Someday, when it all comes together, I will look back and see how God worked it out and how He worked with me and through my pain.