I have received quite a number of emails since my first post and I am just so overwhelmed by the support, love, prayers and encouragement. I have also been blessed by people who have shared some of their experiences and how they are finding their healing. The email below is from a beautiful young woman who I truly admire. She is so strong despite experiencing emotional, sexual, mental and physical abuse at a very young age. I hope her strength and determination to be a Victor and not a Victim passes on to someone reading this. I have chosen to leave her identity anonymous as she has asked me to for various reasons but I am grateful she has given me the permission to share this. Everyone is going through a struggle no matter how perfect their life seems and I truly believe it is only through God that we can be completely healed but God brings people into our lives who he uses to help us through our journeys and for this young lady, God sent her an amazing husband. As always, let us know your thoughts and opinions in the comments. 

Hi Tito,

I just read your blog from Facebook  and left a comment  

I never would have guessed what was going on in your lives. It is a deeply sensitive time for you and I am so moved to hear how much closer the experience has brought you both as a married couple. That is what marriage should be all about and as I enter the institution, I want to say you’ve inspired me greatly to not be afraid of the challenges ahead. You have a good man by your side and you should enjoy and bask in the love he secures you with, you feel strong by the grace of God, but I have gathered from your blog post that the support of your husband, your closeness and his love for you has shielded you enormously. All part of the plan and love of God in your life. I see you both as blessed to have each other.

I have suffered in my young life too, although nothing nearly as traumatic as what you’ve been through. I come from a dark past of abuse. Emotional abuse from my father who abandoned me, sexual abuse from carers as a child and physical and mental abuse from a boyfriend I was with from the age of 16-18. I have come a long way resolving my past and I know the love of God is what has seen me through, although I’m not quite there yet, I am hopeful for the future.

A lot of Nigerian women do suffer in silence due to the stigma attached- I lost all my friends when I was 17 years old because no one wanted to be around the girl who was always being publicly humiliated by her boyfriend-no one wanted to invite me out because of the drama I brought and everyone was talking about me. Always. I always felt ashamed, which led me into even more destructive behaviour, but as I got older and began to seek God, I began to heal and my priorities changed.

God led my husband to me at just 21, and he has been the best thing that’s happened to me since. There’s nothing quite like finding a good man who loves you, especially when you’ve been on the other end of the stick, be it past negative boyfriends or a troubled father daughter relationship. Men have a significant role to play in our lives and although it’s not all about finding a man, it makes all the difference finding a good man, after all that is part of Gods will for us if indeed his will is that one should be married. The long and short is I know how much my husband has contributed to my healing and confidence and I can see how much your husband is that pillar for you in your life. I just want to encourage you to stick together and continue to accept all his love and efforts as you’ve been doing. You are a wonderful wife and I’m sure he knows this.

I wish more Nigerian women believed there are good men out there and we truly need them and just can’t settle for less, life is too real and too hard as it is. I saw a meme on Instagram just yesterday saying “if you are waiting for a man who’s loving, respectful, handsome, rich etc then wait for Jesus” and so many women (even some married) sharing this and finding this funny- To me, I was thinking 2 things- Jesus wasn’t rich, but bar the rich element all those other attributes are so important so what are we women really saying? It’s a cry for help.

Anyway Tito, take good care of yourself! Apologies for my excruciatingly long email but be prepared for the floods of email coming through- there are so many broken women out there. You are doing a great job because speaking helps- Even I feel better after this 🙂 

All best wishes